Captain Apostrophe - Manifesto
I had assessed that my closest competition was a man with a beer in his hand and a towel tucked into his collar..... so did not end up having to pull out my character background manifesto at the party (my sole goal was to win the mystery prize for best costume - so worth it - snickety snick Wolverine claw!). Here it is.
Who is she?Mild mannered English teacher by day, Captain Apostrophe has a secret identity hiding beneath. At any moment, when confronted by offensive signage or an ill-written programme, she can become Captain Apostrophe!
What’s her weapon of choice?
Her alter-ego is dedicated to righting grammar atrocities the world over and correcting punctuation disasters wherever they may occur. In her right hand, she wields the RED PEN OF RIGHTEOUSNESS!
Where is her secret lair?
Not surprisingly, her team of super-heroes have their headquarters in Oxford, under the leadership of Dr Johnson (home of the esteemed dictionary, and the most special comma in the world). Here she and her sidekick, Semi-Colon Boy, cast their critical and protective eyes on the written communication of the world, trying to wipe out the plague of ebonics and phonetics.
Who is her nemesis?Her nemesis, the evil Textor, has tried to thwart her efforts in recent years. He has hidden the apostrophe symbol deep within the cellphone pad, embedded under other punctuation, where nobody will find it. He has already bastardized the Queen’s English with his American spelling and he is luring the younger generation into his lazy trap. His dream is a punctuationless world. A world of fragmented language. He whispers in their ears, ‘You don’t need to proof-read it – just rely on spellcheck!’ and, ‘You’ll get OOS in your thumbs if you type in all the letters – leave some out.’
Catch phrases you might have heard…
“Hold on – I’ve gotta go chase a run-on sentence!”
“It’s a minor sentence to you, but a major felony to me!”
“That goes after the S! It belongs to all of us, capitalist scumbag!”
“She’s having contractions! Get her an apostrophe, STAT!”
“Looks like you’ve come to a full stop, mister!”
2 comments:
Textor sounds like a very implaccable foe - it will be a very difficult fight, considering that machine's considerable support, but I wish ou every success in your struggle and will hope that right makes might!
I found your manifesto when tidying up the house! And the various stickers you put around the place (guest's bathroom - possessive comma)...
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