It's a Twist-Off!

1.
80s Quiz

As should have been predicted, Team Judge took out the 80s quiz held at my school. Highlights were....
- the mood-music provided by a girl on a synthesizer (imagine alien noises)
- Cassie taking part in the aerobics dancing challenge (grapevine again, damnit!)
- the afore-mentioend music timing PERFECTING with a moment where my step-mum suddenly looked up with that light-bulb expression on her face; it was like something from a comic (if comic's had music)

It controversially ended in a tie (I claim the tie was fabricated just to force a Twist-off). So, me and Sam had to play Twister against two likely volunteers from Maggie's Martyrs. In short, I was glad to be wearing opaque footless leggings unders my skirt, there may be some good ass-shots of me coming, I fought through some serious cramp to last long enough to take out the other team in a mass collapse, leaving Sam the sole-survivor in his safe possie in the corner.

2.
SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!!

If nothing else, this film has spawned some really fun in-jokes. I like to yell out '______ in/on a _______!!!' [insert appropriate living-beings and places] at any opportunity. Sometimes I'll even put the 'mf' word in there too.

3.
Father's Day

I got my dad lots of goodies....
- one of those fake spiders from the Met Shop that has a long air-tube coming it, and when you squeeze the bit on the end it jumps up
- a wee skull from Iko Iko that has slime and body parts inside it which you can make protude from it's eye-holes
- a horrific mask from the $2 Shop
- a sort of Best of Johnny Cash CD (which I have duly ripped onto my laptop and burned for my brother as well - a gift that keeps on giving!)

The CD was an impulse purchase. I figured I couldn't buy myself the second season of Scrubs and only give him gag gifts.... Damnit.

Top Ten Roles

I like dressing up and acting. Not in an 'adult fantasy' kind of way.

1.
Helen Clark
I was the Right Honorable Ms Clark at the Teachers' College production. I got to make an entrance on the red carpet and say, 'Labour supports the arts! Where's National, eh?' lots of times. I have a surprisingly good Helen-voice which I do not pull out on request.

2.
Snooperman
I was the infamous (or not) Snooperman in a form two class play. He was a clumsy journalist superhero. I made my entrance by tripping over and was so convincing everyone thought it was unscripted, but it honestly was intentional.

3.
King
I played the royal role of the king in Cinderella in standard three. It sounds like a small role, but it had the same number of lines as the Prince did (I counted) and it was the school play so I had to try out for it. I still remember my first line of 'My son, this is a sad state of affairs. What is wrong with all the girls we have brought to the palace?'. I wore my Adidas pants and a purple robe.

4.
Cleaning Lady
I was in the chorus of the highschool play as a cleaner. I wore a lovely old-lady ensemble of long johns, one of mum's 80s dresses, an apron, slippers and a head-scarf. I made good use of my duster-prop when entering and exiting scenes. While I had no lines I think my character added a lot to the play. I even had a special old lady walk that I used.

5.
The Tornado
In a desperate, yet clever, attempt to match-make me and Mr Ball the kids cast us as The Tornado in their pantomime of The Wizard of Oz. We had to circle around Dororthy holding hands, whilst dressed in toilet paper and rubbish bags. My finest moment - we won the staff performance award.

6.
A Tree
One of my English classes realised at the last minute that they needed a teacher to be in their pantomime. They asked if I wanted to be a tree. I took my role very seriously and brought a few branches I pulled of a tree on the way to school and made a mask with leaves stapled to it. I even wore a green tshirt and brown skirt. I stood on stage for ten minutes dutifully holding up my branches, which slowly got lower and lower as my arms started aching. Being a tree is hard.

7.
A Zombie Cheerleader
Me and Sarah were zombie cheerleaders in our netball skirts and white face paint with dripping 'blood' at the T-Coll Halloween party. We went to Barney's like that. We were drunk. I then walked home to Berhampore like that.

8.
An Angel
Cassie insisted on being the Devil, which I thought was well-cast, so I had to be the Angel. I had just that day broken up with a guy and got a wee bit drunk.... so I may have not acted as dignified and angelic as I looked.

9.
A Piggie
I was a pig in a Year 9 camp play, one of three pigs. I had a toilet paper roll snout. I ad-libbed a bit and hammed up falling over and pulling a few people down with me.... comedic genius. Mr Ball may have been the Big Bad Wolf.

10.
A Pirate
I was a pirate at the Camp Quality Disco last year (as was everybody else). I had a very convincing 'Argh me hearties!' and a moustache.

I Now Know How to be a Woman

I went with Cass, Ange and Lauren to the WOMEN'S EXPO.

Here is my take.

1.
A woman needs to have good breath and soft skin.

Free Stuff
When you first go in, after paying $10, you get a bag of brochures and samples. Unless, that is, your name is 'Ange'. They seemed to leave the Extra gum, Colgate toothpaste and a few other things out of her bag. Sucked to be her.

Apparently to be a woman you need the following
- Two sachets of Dilmah jasmine tea
- A threepack of Extra Professional spearmint gum
- Two sachets of Palmer's Shea Butter formula hand-cream
- One sachet of Palmolive Naturals shampoo and conditioner
- One complimentary Healthwise magazine
- Two Tena ultra-thin mini pads with wings
- One tube of Colgate Sensitive
- A single tube of Nestle Double Blend Hot Chocolate mix

2.
Women like being given advice that is purely intuitive and based on magic boxes.

Three of us had varying experiences with a psychic, tarot reader and Quantum Philosopher. I will let the other two tell their stories if they want. They are good.

Mine is.....
Cassie had told me you could get allergy tests at the expo, which had appealed to me greatly. I get a lot of allergies and would find it useful to know exactly what they were from.

So I arrived at the stall and was imediately seized upon by one of the 'trainees'. She made me fill in a form that identified things such as how many glasses of water a day I drink, what I rate my stress levels from 1-10, how many kgs overweight I am, and how negative I feel about life. I was already starting to doubt the scientific validity of my allergy test.

She then dutifully typed it all into her laptop and explained that soon I would be placing my hand on the small black box in front of me, which was linked by a cable to her laptop. The box was about the size of a hand, with red lights on it and a metal plate on top. It did not look very magical.

But apparently, the magical box would be able to measure the pulses being sent from every organ in my body and it would shoot allergins up into my hand and see how I reacted to them.... Hmmmmm. I played along and kept my hand on there for a few minutes. I even thought I could feel things being sent up my arm. I may have been imagining that.

Then she gave me the results.
- I need to eat less, chew more (I agreed with that)
- I have good adrenil levels ('great' even - I am dubious about that)
- I have good brain functioning (I agree)
- I am fairly well hydrated but could drink a bit more water (sure, why not)
- My oxygen levels are good (this apparently links to my good brain function)

As far as allergies go, she said I was one of the best ones of the day (at this point I really started doubting her). My only above-average readings related to food allergies and smells (she noted on my sheet that I have a very sensitive nose). Apparently the following foods are ones I am paricularly sensitive to:
- mint
- asparagus
- honey
- white wine
- fish
- red delicious apples.

Apparently they can tell you even more if you go in for a full reading. I got all that info for only $20. To get that I have to go to the actual salon, which is called 'Karenz Health and Beauty'. Hmm.

What made me most dubious was that dust allergies didn't even show up and that's my worst. But I will be watching out for the evil mint now.

Kate is a cynic.

3.
Women like Food.

Fair enough. I got some citrus fudge (same as I had at the Craft Fair a few weeks ago) and some Belgium Chocolate Truffles. They are the most divine thing I have tasted in recent memory.

They prompted me and Ange to assert that chocolate IS in fact better than sex. These just melt in your mouth. And there's not the time and messiness factor of real sex.

4.
Women like cleaning.

Cass and Lauren marched around proudly with their Shammies. They got three giant shammies (the size of small bath towels). Next time there is a spill at your house, you'll know who to call.

5.
Funniest Moments

Ange: What'd you learn about your allergies?
Me: Well apparently I need to chew more. That's true - I do eat fast sometimes (note: we are both eating gelato we have purchased and Ange is finishing hers faster)
Me: Hmm, but I like things that need licking, then I'm very slow.
Cass: HAHAHAHAHAH.

Lauren: Where's your shammy, Cass?
(Cass looks around wildly and realises she's lost it somewhere in the Expo)
Cassie: I LOST MY SHAMMY!
(Cassie actually drops all her bags and runs back into the expo)
Me and Ange: HAHAHHAAHAHA

Ange: Apparently the psychic says my great grandmother is watching over me and guiding me.
(for hours afterwards, any time Ange is in a bind or mentioning something dodgey)
Me/Cass/Lauren: What would Great Grandma think, Ange?

Week-end-wrap-up

Peer Pressure Works Eventually

Hey - Welcome my friend of over-a-decade to Blog-Land
Ange has finally succombed to my peer pressure and made a blog (ok - so I made it for her while she sat next to me and said, 'Sure - put whatever you want - you know I'm not actually going to use this eh.....'). We have similar writing habits, so I think she'll enjoy it once she gets over the 'cringe-factor' of doing something so very geeky. She has written an entry all-by-herself today and put comments on other people's sites! I'm so proud!

Check it out and leave a comment so she feels like a star and gets addicted! Go on! She has some hilaaaarious anecdotes she will hopefully share using this forum. Ask her about the weta she found in her hair (whilst at work) last week.....

Weekend Stuff

I had a lovely weekend.

After the crap week, I was all ready to hole up and watch DVDs inside..... turned out it was sunny, but that didn't alter my plans, damnit!

Friday: Amelie (with Ange, no snackfood needed cause we were stuffed from dinner)
Saturday: The Princess Bride (with Ange and Lauren, pick-n-mix and chippies 'n dip) and The Jacket (with Matt, raspberry licorice and fresh pineapple)
Sunday: Batman Begins (with Matt, corn-fritters and Indian take-aways)


The Week in TV

Shortland St
Good gracioius. I didn't see Li-May's death coming.
Ange's male flatmate has taped a week of Shorties and will apparently get her to watch it all back with him, in double-speed. Apparently makes it a lot more fun.

Spelling Bee
.... Wheeee! I love spelling bees! And they've picked some quite fun celebrities for the show (TV1, Sunday night - must be taking the place of Dancing with the Stars). David McPhail, Raybon Kan, Lynn of Tawa, Joe Cotton, John Gadsby .... and Rosita from Kiwi Idol (erm..... can anyone sing the Sesame St 'one of these things just doesn't fit in here' song?).

Raybon has taken on the true spirit of the spelling bee. He must've watched Spellbound as preparation.

I love this trend of getting kiwi 'celebrities' to do traditionally 'geeky' things. It's fun! My idea for the next series: Celebrity Lawn Bowls! Get Marc Ellis in on that and it'll be crrrrrazy.

Sugar-Shack
I'm not sure about that Sugar-Shack show yet. There seem to be too many hosts, not enough content. I've only seen one episode, so I'm with-holding more judgement.

C4
I have been watching a lot more C4 recently (because my silly TV only really gets that and TV1). I caught the tail-end of the video with the bull-dozer in it. Sam saw the same one and said it was awesome. I wanna see the whole thing now!

The Home and Away Omnibus
Good gracious. I got pulled into it again.................. Where did all the new characters come from? How much of a yokel is that Dom guy? How cool is the word 'omnibus'?

Flatmate Updates

It is very awkward between me and soon-to-be-ex-flatmate. That was to be expected. I'd hate me if I was her. I'm having self-doubts as to whether I did the right thing by her. She was a fairly good flatmate in a lot of ways (quiet, didn't use up all the hot-water). But then I remember 'the argument' ...... and am reassured. I have personally been really really happy since asking her to move out. So I know it was the right decision by me. I'm usually find it incredibly stressful finding a new flatmate, but I'm pretty relaxed about it this time..... must be growing up!

Have shown two people round so far.
1 - The Beard Guy (graphic artist, possibly pretentious)
2 - The Tall British Guy (cartographer, awkward but very large)

I could turn my flatmate search into some kind of interactive internet game where you all get to vote..... but I won't.

Chess

I had a heated debate with Matt about the rules of chess.

He swears that he learnt from his great-uncle, who was apparently in chess clubs, that the knight cannot move unless it can 'land' in the corner square of the 'L'. I have never heard of this rule! The only square it needs to be able to land in, is the final square of the 'L' (where it will be placed, or take the opposing piece)..... Dunno if anyone but me can understand that.....

I made a tricky move to fork his bishop and queen, and he said, 'Well.... if you wanna just flout the REAL rules of the game, then you can do that......'. And I said, 'Huh???' And a day-long debate started.

I think the knight-debate and Tony Robbins have shown Matt the first signs of how my 'good natured teasing' can drive people crrrrazy :) (I'm like a dog with a bone.....) He may have glimpsed my 'healthy competitive spirit' too.............. The beginning of the end?

Sing Star is Silly

It said my singing was 'awful'! and 'bad'! Now, I may have been a little drunk and I may have been trying to rap 'Ice, Ice, Baby' (who knew it had so many obscure verses and so many words to it???)..... but 'awful' seems a little harsh! In MY memories people applauded and cheered when I was done.....

I will go away into my secret cave and practise and practise and practise until I figure out a way to beat the machine. If there is some way to improve my scores without actually becoming a better singing, if there is some way to beat the system.... I WILL FIND IT!

I will come back better than ever, damnit!

Watch this space.

Note: I did finally win a bout when I took on the REALLY drunk girl (the one with the bad 80s hairdo and jeans with pictures of fairies on them). We sang 'The Final Countdown'. She did miss the first verse of so, to be fair, while Matt soundly refused to join in (I thought I could make him waver with my drunken charm, but he soberly stood firm on his 'no, I will not sing with you' status - I think he's due for a K-bar outting). I turned around and saw that she was lingering behind us, her ears having pricked up at the sound of the glam-rock synthesiser...... and said, 'YOU will sing with me, won't you?'

I am going to go and eat some more cookies 'n cream icecream. If one of my flatmates has pilfered it I will be ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY! Probably not a sensible latenight snack, but I flout the rules of healthy eating! My belly makes me. It is powerful and persuasive.

Things Kitcheny and my Boo-boo

S o u p

Ange was over at my flat and had been jibber-jabbering with me and Glenn for a couple of hours, so eventually submitted to having something to eat. She asked if anyone had one of those soup packets, something light. Glenn did not.

I delved deep into the cupboard and found my 'ice-cream container of things I never actually use'. It has all sorts of neat things in it. It had a box of pea and ham Cup-a-soup. I offered it to Ange.

She took if from me wearily, saying, 'I'll just check the use-by date. I used to cull your stuff for you when we flatted together.....'
To this I answered, 'Pfffffft! That stuff lasts forever - it'll be fiiiine!'

She turned the packet over, and even I was surprised at the expiry date.

BEST BEFORE
24/11/96

That soup was probably ten years old! It was a relic! I've probably carted it through at least five flats. It's been around the country with me. It remembers the days when kids didn't all have cell-phones and the internet was regarded with awe and confusion by lay-people. That soup has seen me through a lot of life experiences. I feel like I would've been a different person when I bought that soup (or stole it from my Dad's house when I was in the hostels at university, more likely).

Angle refused to eat it. I never did like that flavour......

T o r t e l l i n i

Earlier this week I had gone to Moore Wilson's on my way home. I had the goal of buying some chocolate treats for the girls in my class who haven't been late to school this term. Positive reinforcement - what a novelty!

I bought a box of toffee-milks. It's a great deal - you get about 70 of them for around $8 or $9. More than you can shake a stick at! I also bought a sack of lollypops for good measure.

Note: I gave about 25 away to kids and have eaten about 30 myself. Not a good idea to have a huge box of toffee milks on your desk in the work-room. My teeth are rotting as I type.

On the way out the door I saw the deli fridge. I bought a large bag of tortellini and because I didn't like their sauce, I just got some basil pesto to mix in with it. When I say large, I mean large. It would do me for maybe five nights in a row. That's a lotta pasta. This is the first time I've ever bought so much and the first time I've had pesto with it.

Anyhow, I had it for my tea on Monday and Tuesday and hadn't even used half the bag.

Matt came round last night for dinner. He saw me eating popcorn when he got in and said, 'Don't spoil your appetite!' (I had just made a GIANT bowl using my impulse-buy popcorn maker). He had sweetly bought some things for us to have ..... and he pulled out some lime milk, Tim Tams, red licorice and.....

Tortellini and pesto! What're the odds? So I had tortellini and pesto THREE nights in a row. But to be fair, the stuff he bought was WAY nicer. I got him to mix in a bit of mine, just for good measure (so it didn't feel rejected). We had Tim-Tams and cookies 'n cream icecream for pudding. Mmmmmmm. I showed him the trick where you dip the Tim-Tam in a hot drink and suck it up through the biscuit so it gets all melty.

B o o B o o

I played basketball tonight and got a boo-boo on my knee. Someone bowled into me when I was jumping up for a long rebound. I fell over, with the ball, was down on my knees, passed the ball.... no foul. Go figure. I scored nine points. My team only scored 25 points. We lost. I didn't get any particularly nice goals in, but my shooting touch was decent. I made 3/4 free throws (and they all went 'swish-nothin-but-net').

So now my knee hurts and it will get a scab.

N i c e T h i n g s

1) We won a good game of netball against a team we usually lose to. Everybody did good stuff. Morgue found a bit of shooting mojo. Me and d3vo shot some decent ones. Off-black's workmate did a nice job on D. Fish did good stuff too.

2) My bed has finally arrived! It is at the factory awaiting a suitable drop-off time. I was starting to get annoyed since it was sposed to be here three weeks ago.

3) We are a having a girly shopping morning on Saturday! I am looking foward to it. We are doing coffee and shopping and doing lunch and shopping. I will buy something pretty that makes me smile when I look at it/ wear it/ use it.

4) My dad has officially announced that while he tried to force himself out of a job and get a demotion (to reprioritise and spend more time with Lynne and Libby and eeeease into retirement).... they have been unable to replace him and have instead come back and offered him the same money he gets now to do only four days of work a week instead of five! This seems like a good deal. He is irreplaceable. Awwww!

5) I weighed myself for the first time in ages and found that while I have been eating crap and have barely cooked a meal in months and done very little exercise...... I have not gained weight! Neat.

6) I finally waxed my legs so can show a bit of leg or ankle again without scaring small children. I managed to not have either of my male flatmates walk in on me while doing this (they have a habit of knocking and then opening the door, regardless of whether I say 'NO- HOLD ON!' or not - boys, go figure!). So that was a minor miracle too!

W e b s i t e F u n

In our second year at uni me, Janine and Lani made personal ads on some website as a competition to see who would get the most responses. I went for the 'nice' angle, Janine went for the 'weird' angle (she was Serendipity from some foreign planet) and Lani was quite earnest but went for the 'bisexual' angle.

I won. But I had freaks and geeks respond to my profile (one of the guys sent a photo and honestly looked like a mad scientist!).

That tradition was resurrected with Nicky and Rebecca in the Newtown flat. Again, I won. This time I went for a more quirky angle, cause I didn't want those freaky guys who like 'nice' girls. It is still on the website and I check it on ocassion. I get some odd responses. My favourites are the men from Kenya who propose to me in broken English.

I got an email from the FBi once saying a guy I had emailed had gone missing and they were trying to track him down.... some Canadian from the site.....

Waiting for Fish and Plimpplamppletteren

... she isn't due for ten minutes. But she was early last night, so I'm at the ready.

In the meantime I will randomly generate a few things from my books of useless information.

Ponder me this

A few random questions from the 'Can I ask you a personal question?' book Fish and her husband got me as a present some time. There are 1000!

#859
What do you love the smell of?
#485
What was the last thing you lost?
#931
How could you improve yourself?
#855
Can you do any impressions?

Think silently or post comments to share.

My answers are:

• Freshly mown lawns and washed sheets and vivids.
• A brown towel. It's an expensive Egyptian cotton one. I had a pair of them and one's gone missing. I suspect flatmate-borrowing.
• By eating more vegetables and stopping avoiding things and getting my bloody licence and getting my eyebrows waxed and getting a bionic arm made out of titanium for me.
• Helen Clark. Don't ask unless I'm drunk.

***

Words of the Day

 

And from 'The Meaning of Tingo and Other Extraordinary Words from Around the World' let me now enrich your international vocabulary.

nudnick (Yiddish) a yakky, agressively boring person
mono-no-aware (Japanese) appreciating the sadness of existence
mahj (Persian) looking beautiful after a disease
bakku-shan (Japanese) a girl who appears pretty when seen from behind but not from the front*
koro (Japanese) the hysterical belief that one's penis is shrinking into one's body
capoclaque (Italian) someone who coordinates a group of clappers

And my personal favourite....
plimpplampletteren (Dutch) the skimming of a flat stone as many times as possible on the surface of the water

* similar to a phrase my brother uses, 'Picasso babe' (someone who looks pretty from a distance because they've kinda tarted themselves up and optimised their looks, but are not naturally pretty up close. I guess it stems from the idea that anyone can look good in an abstact painting)


Think on This One

And from 'Wisdom for Life'.....

Page 293
If god did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
- Francois Voltaire

Page 33
Dirt is not dirt, but only something in the wrong place.
- Henry John Temple

Page 269
Altruism: the art of doing unselfish things for selfish reasons.
- Anon

Page 179
There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Levin Annual Tourism Triples!

Version Two of the Road Trip
(see The Fishbowl for Version One)

WELCOME TO LEVIN!
See the genuine LEVIN WELCOMES YOU sign!
Notice how they mention the word 'nestles' multiple times.

It was a miserable day in Wellington. Eight degrees and dropping. Rain. I had an allergy-induced-head-cold. What could possibly cheer us up and help us escape the winter blues? Going on a road trip to LEVIN!

I did my bit for the local economy of my home town by convincing five other Wellingtonians to travel there on the last day of their long weekend holiday.

As the unofficial princess of LEVIN (my dad's almost the King), I did my gracious best to show the city folk the talking points in town. The giant, looming market gardener statue was high on my list of must-sees. While not overtly Asian, us locals can still appreciate that the statue was obviously modelled from Mr Young (take your pick). That was a real photo opportunity!

Then I treated them to the LEVIN equivalent of Fawlty Towers, where the locals put on a very subtle and seamless performance. It included a 90 year old waitress who didn't speak a word of English other than 'Eat-here-or-takeaway?', which she asked regardless of whether you'd ordered the sizzling platter or not and the noodle dish, which is really a chicken and cashew dish. Ordering that is like hitting the jackpot and getting the bonus item!!!! They even take more time cooking it as it is so very special.

I neglected to tell the rest of my party that it was all an elaborate comedy act, so they might have misunderstood and thought the local restauranteurs were incompetant. NEVER!

I kept up the consumer side of the trip, being the only one to buy anything at the Bendon Shop. Morgue was tempted, but they didn't have his cup-size. Also I was the only one to buy anything at the Windmill shop [see comments for a correction here - apologies], purchasing 30c worth of salty licorice. I was tempted by the Danish love-heart candy that had such sentimental messages as 'ADIOS' and 'HELP'.

We went to Foxton - The Fox Town of New Zealand. I am still yet to find a day where I feel like spending $5 for the privilege of walking up the steps in the windmill. My father, the King of Levin, would agree with my cynicism, having laughed heartily at the neighbouring community's attempts to get money off him for their mill [it was quoted in the paper - so I'm not shedding family secrets, though they may have understated his scoffing-ness]. I encouraged him to give the money to the giant waterslide instead. Had the market gardener statue idea been bandied about at the time, I would have said to bugger the new roads and books for the library - give it ALL to the statue! Build it, and they shall come.

At the beach we all rugged up in multiple layers of beanies, jackets, home-made scarves and gloves. The boys grunted and threw things. Some of the things smashed in satisfying ways. Some didn't, but they still grunted and hugged in manly ways. We spent a lot of time balancing on things. I was an excellent balancer and thorougly beat off-black in our 1-on-1 challenge (workboots are NO excuse, loser).

d3vo had guaranteed a spectacular display of frothing Coke - he even went to one of LEVIN's many $2 shops (most per capita in the Southern Hemisphere - it's a fact) and bought a fetching pair of organge-tinted sunglasses as a safety precaution. We all took several steps back in anticipation of our FOUNTAIN OF DIET COKE. And then stepped back in and squinted and peered.... and saw a small spout of foam coming out. Next time: More Mentos. And explosives.

I had a brief ride with off-black in the little red car. My music de choice was Pearl Jam. We tried to lose everybody else, but they found us again. Then we found my dad and Lynne. They found us some tea and biccies (I debate them being 'home-made'). I showed everybody my dad's magical voilin. Its lack of functioning batteries made it somewhat less magical.

We saved the adventure playground for another day...

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if they should ever come back

On the way back to Civilisation Morgue pointed out a picture of his old couch in
a magazine (ALAC ad) I had been gifted by Lynne. He generously autographed it on behalf of himself and The Couch.
It is still up for debate as to whether anyone has lost anything important in or
on the couch. There will be updates in The Couch's next newsletter.
Ask Morgue for fanclub information.

Note: The above paragraph is only accidentally formatted as verse. It is not meant to be the lamest poem ever.

Incidentally, d3vo skips like a girl and is a wicked free-jogger.

Thanks to Fishy for the dinner and icecream. I enjoyed my 'special' chair. And the heater. Leon ate some of my special nachos.

We won netball too. Off-black and I should drink beer before games more often.

In conclusion:
It all came down to a choice of the Wairarapa, or LEVIN (The Heart of the Horowhenua, as my Tshirt says).

Two roads diverged at Lower Hutt, and we—
We took the one less traveled or at least stopped in (as my other tshirt says*),
And that has made all the difference.

* buy your own LEVIN tshirt

Two Entries - That's a diary-writing record

My nana is moving into a rest-home. That makes me sad because she has always loved living on top of a huge hill that overlooks the harbour. She could watch the ferries come in and out all day and see the wind buffetting everything about. Her view and her crosswords have always been the things she reckons keep her sane.

But she has a bung leg and keeps having 'falls'. Apparently my Auntie has taken to pushing her round on an office chair when she comes to visit. Very efficient - and fun! And she has her own zimmer-frame at home. If you have to resort to pushing yourself 'round on a frame it's good to know that they have such a fun name! ('Zamboni' is a fun word too.)

I envisage having zimmer races with my competitive friend Off-Black (apparently you don't use 'real' names on here) when we're 90. I'll win easily.

Fun link of the day:
Find out your super-hero name and powers (or super-villain if you prefer) at http://home.hiwaay.net/~lkseitz/comics/herogen/herogen.cgi
I like the one whose power was being able to guess people's weights with uncanny accuracy and whose form of super-transportation was his red snowshoes.

You can't escape me....

Life is a funny old thing.

Sam and Fish have figured out that they would’ve met each other even if Sam’d made it into the Air Force and not stayed around in Wellington. Fish’s sister is married to an Air Force guy and she might well have met him while up visiting her in Palmie. It’s like destiny.

It’s like one of those Hollywood movies that covers a story, then goes back in time to see what would happen if things had been a little different (think ‘Sliding Doors’). I kinda like it when there’s that fatalistic element where certain people are just destined to meet and find each other in both versions of the story, through different means.

I have decided real life is like that too.

At the dinner party on Saturday there were lots of people there who knew other people in a few different ways.

Example 1 – Me and FishI met Fish and Sam through my friend Janine. I knew her through her cousin, Lani, who I was in the hostels with. Fish knew Janine through being an octagon geek at Vic. We went to the same parties on occasion. A few years later I attended Teachers’ College in Wellington and Fish was in my course. So, even if we hadn’t met through Janine we woulda met through being in our maths tute together and playing for the T-coll indoor netball team.

Example 2 – Cassie and FishCassie knows Fish through me. But now she also teaches at the same school as Fish, so woulda met her anyhow.

Example 3 – Sam and Anthony
Sam knows Anthony from primary school. He also would’ve met Anthony because he is now going out with Cassie (who he met through me).

Example 4 – Me and Ed
I met Ed through my T-coll buddy Steve, who was at Wainui High with him in first year. Steve invited me to a party at Ed and Cassie’s flat. I also would’ve met Ed through flatting with Nicky and Rebecca, who were teaching and commuting with Cassie who flatted with Ed.

Example 5 – Sam and Holly
Sam works with Holly. He was also independently friends with her boyfriend Ken (‘cause he teaches with me and plays in our indoor team).

Example 6 – Me and Laura
I met Laura back when she was going out with Damon at The Wedding of Sam and Fish. I have no re-met Laura through her being good friends with Anthony who is my good friend Cassie’s boyfriend.

Whew.

Ange and Matt have no inter-connections. Losers.

It's a bit like the 'six degrees of separation' idea. That was a great movie, by the way. I made my friends watch it at my birthday in sixth form. That and 'Hoop Dreams'. I am only three degrees from Paul McCartney 'cause my mum was pen-pals with a girl whose brother was his best mate at school (she wrote Mum letters telling her to watch out for them 'cause they were gonna be great).

Group Activity
Who has the closest connections to the following 'celebrities'
- Joe Cotton
- A Shortland St actor of choice
- Tana Umaga
- Peter Jackson

My answers: I went to T-coll with Joe Cotton's brother, I know someone who knows someone who slept with Dr Warner in real life (Ange will beat me there), I know someone who played cricket with Tana and I know someone who teaches his son and I know someone who taught him at Parkway and some of my students' parents work for Weta.


PS – I am presently watching Ellen (my new 5-6pm hobby being as my TV only gets TV1 and TV4 and I don’t like watching all the hip hop videos). There are high school kids doing bird calls. They do them in pairs and tend to get their whole bodies into it. It’s crazy fun! I want to initiate a competition like that in my school.

1.
Rice

Thanks for the nice rice advice. I will be systematically testing out the different theories.

Points of interest were
- the debate on whether to rinse or not (I instinctively agree with Sam)
- Damon's very useful instructions to 'Cook the rice until it is cooked. Test the cooked state of the rice by testing the rice'. His extended instructions were very useful - I am humbled to admit that I found a lot of his 'rice for dummies' explanations informative. So you don't have to go with the time the packet says! I always suspected as much.


2.
Weekend Happenings

I cooked something to take to a pot-luck dinner! I rang up Dad to get the recipe for a kumara pie off his wife... and here is an extract from the conversation
Me: Hi Dad... I'm going to a pot luck dinner and wanted to get a recipe off Lynne.
Dad: That's brave!

He shares my genetic fear of public cooking (though I didn't find his pessimistic comment encouraging!). His wife then gave me instructions and while every bone of my body wanted to ask her to be more specific (me and Dad like EXACT measurements, not things like 'put it in a big pot.... add lots of butter..... '), I just took it all in and prepared to 'ad-lib'.

I even decided to use coconut milk 'cause I didn't have much real milk. I think that was inspired.

Cassie and Anthony's dinner party thingie was jolly good. Ken was bragging about the banoffie pie success today at work, but changed his tune when I walked in and humbly admitted that he only made the base.

I like nibbles the best. I woulda been happy with the chippies and Philly Chilly dip all night.

When are the photos being put up, Sav? I want Bloody Mary pictures!

3.
Phone

I picked up the phone to use it on Saturday, only to hear a static sound and no dial-tone. I tried all the different jacks and a few different appliances. Calls could still come in, but there would be a loud clicking noise over top of them.

Thankfully, this was a line fault and it got fixed once I rang them.

Just mentioning it in case anyone else experiences it at some point.

4.
Kiwi Idol

The song choice last night sucked and I find myself agreeing with Frankie's comments. I am a veteren Idol Viewer. The only highlight was the guy from Levin! He was awesome. And he's from Levin! GO LEVIN! I was almost very nearly tempted to vote for him. But I didn't. I trust the impecible taste of the NZ voting public.

5.
Motor Sport

Why the hell do boys like watching motor sport? I was tortured through about five different types of motor sport yesterday (Sunday TV is laden with it - on all channels!). There was a motorcycle race, a race-car race, 4-by-4 racing..... and other things I have blocked out.

It is the most boring thing ever on TV. What is with guys LOVING it? Or is it a conspiracy that Matt and my flatmates have devised against me just to be incredibly annoying?

You can imagine the reaction when I insisted on watching a bit of The Gilmore Girls..... It appears to be the girl's equivalent to motor racing. They are the queens of jibber-jabber.

Cooking up a disaster.

Somewhere along the line I missed the boat when it comes to cooking.

At some stage everyone else took it on as a sort of hobby and became good at it, with discerning taste and signature dishes. I'm not sure what I was doing at the time. Maybe watching TV or reading chess books.

Whatever the case, it is now up there with not having a licence in my list of 'things I wish I could do better'. I partially blame my flatmates. In the last few years I have flatted with people who are very good cooks (Rebecca, Svend, Ange) and have deferred to them at any possible chance. There is also the element of fear when cooking for such an audience. Us incompetant cooks know we are crap, and hate the thought of inflicting this on other people (especially people who are critical food consumers). We are happy cooking for other incompetants and can take the piss out of ourselves quites easily. My brother used to say of his creations, 'Eat it quick - imagine how much worse it is when it's cold!'

My friend Merv has a theory that there are two types of cooks: those who cook to cook and those who cook to eat. I certainly fall in the latter category. I just want the food to get in my belly. I'm not particularly fussy about how it gets there - if it's quicker to just slap a side-sauce on it than marinade it, that's what I'll bloody do. If I can get a decent effect by using a jar of pre-made sauce and just mixing it with some meat and rice, that's all good with me.

The only person in recent years who has shared my incompetance in this area is Nicky. She had me over for dinner once and made tuna-curry-pasta. A very odd dish. And not in a good way. She used to cook on a Monday in our flat and it became known as 'Easy-bake Monday' as she, like myself, is a fan of the pre-made food options.

Things I can do in the kitchen
- chop (I enjoy chopping, actually)
- make salads (you can't go wrong with raw stuff)
- open bottles/packets
- make sandwiches
- make popcorn in my fancy machine

The embarrassment of not being able to cook well has extended as I have aged. While I'm very good at going to restaurants and ordering stuff, or drinking copious amounts of alcohol, my peers are now entering the 'pot-luck dinner' phase of life. I think that starts in earnest when you're 30. There are also shared lunches at school where I keep rather valiently offering to bring the drink, cups and serviettes to get out of having to cook.

And then there's the sad fact that all the boys I have dated recently have cooked better than me. Matt has cooked for me lots and I find it very attractive how he walks purposefully around the kitchen, grabbing spices and implements. I like how he improvises but also has a scrap-book of family recipes and owns the same Jamie Oliver cookbook I bought on a whim (and used twice). I wonder what qualities I posess that make up for my lack of attractiveness in this area......... If I can't compensate somehow I'll be in deep trouble somewhere down the line......

Ange offered to help me cook a meal for Matt and hide before he comes around to eat it, so that he thinks it was all my doing. Has it really come to that???

I need to make a resolution to learn how to cook better. Surely it must be something that improves with practice. I have just never practised. And it must be something that improves with routine.... I've never been good with routines either. I am good at following instructions and measuring things. That must be a good starting point. And I have a wealth of knowledge at my fingertips because I know lots of people who cook good......

I need help.

Question One
How do you make perfect rice? I have had a lot of different advice over the years. I am confused.

I am very looking forward to Sammy's 30th. But it brings up the issue of what to wear! The theme is 'wear your favourite tshirt'.
I see three options.

1) Wear one of my present t-shirts, of which I have many. There's 'ELK', 'I stopped in Levin', 'Judgement Day 2000', 'Levin - the Heart of the Horowhenua', 'The Baba Posse' and a few others.

2) Buy a new tshirt for the ocassion. That's a fine excuse for a shopping excursion, and unlike buying that gorgeous dress for a wedding I may actually wear this purchase again.
I reiterate my liking of this site for tshirts and this one too.

3) Make a new one 'specially for the ocassion. Preferably with Sam's likeness on it. We have many ideas thusfar - 'Sam I am', 'Summer of Sam', 'I am Sam', 'Little Black Sambo', 'Uncle Sam Needs YOU!'.....

I say there should be a compulsorary walk-off competition for the coolest tshirts. I can swagger like a model - I've been practising.

Note: the guy on the 'Operation Game' tshirt is apparently called Cavity Sam. And - does anyone else remember 'A Christmas Story'??? It was one of our favourite movies as a kid.

Top Ten Self-Inflicted Injuries

While I don't run or jump fast or high enough to get a lot of sporting injuries, I am dopey enough to get standing-still and cleaning injuries. Here are a few of my favourites. Feel free to add your own.

1) I grated my thumb instead of a potato once. Ouchie.

2) I have two burn marks on my right leg from sleeping with hot water-bottles (separate ocassions).

3) I raised my hand to stop the flying-fox I was riding on from hitting the tyre at the end of the wire.... Scar on thumb. Me stupid.

4) I fell over once just by stepping onto a curb while trying to dribble a basketball. I arrived at practice with blood running down my knee and everyone expected a dramatic story..... I had to admit that I was just walkin' along....

5) I got a raisin stuck up my nose once because I was playing with my food....

6) I once was drunk (just the once) and I was walking along when Ken got cheeky to me, so I tried to do this fancy kick behind my back to get him back..... I failed and fell on my face, grazing both my knees and getting holes in my stockings. I looked like a bum after that.

7) I was so proud that I'd finally done a hand-stand at gymnastics that I wanted to show my mum at home...... I didn't notice there was a painting hung on the wall about where my feet would be connecting with it. I kicked it. It shattered all around me. My mum was very worried but luckily only my toe got cut. Three stitches.

8) I lived in a flat where the ceiling was getting mouldy in the bathroom. It was fairly high and hard to reach but I deciphered that it was easiest to clean just after I'd had a shower (it moistened the mould). So, after a shower I got a cloth and stood up on the porcelain sink..... eventually I had to start reaching out quite a bit..... my towel fell off... I ignored this. I reached too far, my foot slipped on the damp and slippery sink.... I fell off and landed on the floor. That would have been an embarrassing time to have knocked myself out unconscious.

9) Another bathroom ooopsy. I was in the shower at my Dad's new house, which is in the bath. It has a screen door going the full length of the bath. I slipped, and to break my fall I grabbed for the top rail of the sliding screen..... Of course, it wasn't really that strong.... I assed over again, taking the whole thing with me. There was an almighty crash, Lynne came running, asking if I was ok. I pathetically said, 'Uh, yes...' from my new position at the bottom of the bath. I cut my hand fairly deeply on the screen.

10) Last year I was at an indoor netball game. We were milling about before the toss and I jumped up and down a couple of times to loosen up or something. I felt a tweak in my knee but ignored it. That tweak turned into a swollen and sore knee for a month afterwards. I had to limp all around school and people felt sorry for me. It was so swollen I couldn't kneel at all. I'm getting old....

Quality H2O: a collection of short stories by Not-Kate

1.

I have decided I need to hydrate more. Much more.

Often by my afternoon classes I feel myself fade quite drastically. I was actually in the middle of doing some mini-lecture and writing on the board when I felt myself losing focus.... I had one of those 'Erm... what was I saying....?' moments... but kept rambling on about something and probably looking very vacantly at the back wall of the classroom. Luckily my Year 12s are a lovely docile bunch (and I mean that in a nice way - if I say to write stuff down, they do - teachers like that) so they didn't take advantage of my somewhat altered state. When I am dehydrated and trying to teach a fifth period class I can get somewhat cranky, and children talking starts to be like someone sticking a sharp implement into my temples..... metaphorically speaking.

2.

Stink for us, eh.

This week both the top basketball teams at my school lost close games, which basically ended their seasons. Both games were up for the winning, up until the last seconds of the clock ticking down...... Sucks to be us! It's horrible when you see young girls crying at the end, 'cause they missed the key shot or lost the ball at the end, or made a dumb foul. Gotta feel for them.

I was sitting next to the 10 year old daughter of our school's coach, doing the score-bench duties with her (she writes a very tidy score-sheet). Every time the other team shot she'd say, 'Miss!' under her breath. Cute. Her 3.5 day old little sister was in the basonette behind the score-bench (her mum had given birth 4am on Tuesday morning, and wanted to run a practice on Wednesday afternoon for the girls - her midwife said 'NO!'). Their four year old cousin was sitting on my knee 'helping' me put the score up. She has chubby little arms and is not too bad to cuddle.

The upside is that Miss J might now be freeeeee on a Friday night for a while :) Wheeeee! Oh yeah, that's right... now I have to start doing The Magazine. Bugger. A teacher's life is never free.

3.

Shopping

Tomorrow me and my two bestest girl friends are going shopping. LOOK OUT! Apparently the Krazy Lounge has closed (shock!) and there is a temporary Insidious Fix sale on there for three days where nothing is over $80.

I have no idea what Insidious Fix stuff looks like (all I know is that it's knitwear), but Matt likes it so it must be stylish.

4.

Quizzle my Nizzle, Schizzle

Me, Sam, Cass and her beau came a creditable second at the Realm (Hataitai) quiz this week. We kinda cruised through it, never getting below 7 for a round. We even got 8/10 for the first round WITHOUT SAM THERE! And it was on geeky inventions stuff. Fun eh.

More people must join us next week. I have a temporary basketball reprieve which means I can go to quiz for the next few Thursdays, before the next season starts. I would recommend the snack-size nachos as a light meal ($9.50).

Tony Robbins, eat your heart out!

(Reposted so that Sam can contribute)

WARNING
This post idea worked a lot better in my head than it has in execution. It's ended up being a bit mushy for my liking and sounds like I'm practising writing form-teacher comments in reports. But what the heck, I'd hate to waste perfectly good typing so I'll publish it anyhows.........



I have decided that my latest Top Ten Challenge will be ....

TOP TEN THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF

Show your inner pride. I think we spend so much time being self-critical that it's good to force yourself to turn the mirror towards your good side for a change (and dim the lights, so it's even more flattering). Try and add at least a few of your own points of strength in my comments section. Otherwise I will just look conceited and arrogant ......

1.
When I am in a bad mood I don't take it out on other people.

2.
On the whole I am reliable. If I say I'll play sports, I will. If I say I'll come to a party, I usually do. I may need reminding, but I try not to let people down (and for the record, when I do let people down I feel bad about it).

3.
I get it. I like to think I pick up on things fairly quickly.

4.
I am usually a good judge of character*.

5.
I like sharing stuff. Perhaps not food, but at work I love it when people use resources or units I've made with their own classes. I find it flattering.

6.
I have initiative. I find it really annoying when people hold up meetings with trivial things they could have sorted out in a much more efficient way. I will try and solve things on my own before taking up other people's time. This has become a mantra I'm drumming into my year nine class who keep coming up with comments in class discussions like 'Miss, I don't have a pen today' and 'Miss, I've lost my assignment sheet'.

7.
I have good taste in movies. Ok, that is totally subjective, but I would like to go to the movies with me (if I wasn't me).

8.
I am shy and sensitive. I learnt years ago that every personality trait has its positives and negatives. They're on a spectrum. I think there are lots of crippling features of being shy by nature, but I also think that it helps you develop empathy and sensitivity towards others (because you are so hyper-sensitive yourself).

9.
I get in the spirit. I like theme parties and games nights and stuff like that. I'm never a party pooper. I know how anxious you can be when you host an event that it's not going to work or be fun.....

10.
I can laugh at myself. I think everyone has different layers. Some people are confident on the surface, but insecure under it. I think I have a few alternating layers, but at my core I am self-assured. This allows me to absolutely take the piss out of myself and not mind if others join in :)





*
For example, here is what I like about a few of my fellow bloggers and friends (other than the superficial things like being hot and popular and fun) .....

Morgan
He is one of the truly 'good' people in the world. I like that he's constantly watching everyone around him to make sure they're happy/comfortable/feeling-confident/well-fed. He has a highly developed sense of empathy and reminds me of one of my favourite sections of writing from a JD Salinger short story. ** He is a social hub, too (much like Cassie).

Fishy
She has a truly infectious smile and shows joy openly. As Ange described her recently, 'She is really beautiful - she kind of glows'. She's the kind of person you can give a present to and not worry about whether they're gonna like it or not. Very appreciative of anything anybody does for her. She is also not at all snobby and is truly open-minded (not just in theory).

Sammy
He is deeply thoughtful and remembers tiny details about people. It's flattering when someone actually takes notice of things and brings them up later. I've seen him do it to many a person, many a time. It always makes them feel good. He's the kind of person who remembers your name after only meeting you once. I like that he's not extraverted and would rather tell you something as a quiet aside than announce it to a group. There's a real sense that he does things for himself, rather than to impress anybody else. He's someone I relate well to.

Angie
We have been friends for years and years. She is someone else who never takes her bad moods out on other people (and she has her fair share of issues, not the least of which is The Insomnia!). She handles things with humour and grace and a wise self-awareness. Up until this year (in a series of small events that snowballed into something else and would take a lot of time to explain properly) we had never really argued about anything at all. That's pretty good for a decade and a half of friendship! She is observant and has a real talent for knowing the right thing to say in a situation. There is a certain easy charm to her.

Cassie
My absolute favourite thing about Cass is that she likes it when her friends need her. She would be insulted if you had a crisis at 3am and didn't call her up about it. If you text her and say 'I am feeling crap - I need cheering up!' she'll be round in ten minutes flat. She is dependable and loyal, like a labrador :) She also isn't afraid to make a fool of herself and risk acting silly, which makes her incredibly fun to be around. She hasn't lost that childlike spark and joins me in 'getting in the spirit'.

**
“If or when I do start going to an anaylst, I hope to God he has the foresight to let a dermatologist sit in on our conversation. A hand specialist. I have scars on my hands from touching certain people. Once, in the park, when Franny was still in the carraige, I put my hand on the downy part of her head and left it there too long. Another time ,at Loew’s Seventy-second street, with Zooey during a spooky movie. He was about six or seven, and he went under the seat to avoid watching a scary scene. I put my hand on her head. Certain heads, certain colors and textures of human hair leave permanent marks on me. Other things, too. Charlotte once ran away from me, outside the studio, and I grabbed her dress to stop her, to keep her near me. A yellow cotton dress I loved because it was too long for her. I still have a lemon-yellow mark on the palm of my right hand" (excerpt from Seymour’s diary in Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters)

It relates to a key theme I like to teach when I'm doing The Catcher in the Rye, 'the burden of sensation'.

1.

ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!

I went to a trivia night at the Jewish Centre on Webb St last night. Fish and Sam and Cassie took me along to be in a team with them. It was jolly good fun. I won a spot prize for having the coolest birthday date in the world.

But my highlight of the night was between rounds. This is when one of the hosts got up and auctioned off a service to the patrons. Previously someone had paid $40 to have a haircut, babysitter and dinner cooked by members of the synagogue......

The item up for grabs was now two nights in a holiday home in Paekakariki. Apparently it sleeps up to eight people. I had half-heartedly said to Cassie, 'Hmm, Posse outing? We could all chip in $10.' But it quickly got over $80, so we were too late.

It got to $100 and started stalling. Instead of going up in $20 increments it went to $5 ones and limped its way up to $120.

And then all of a sudden everything was in slow motion and I saw the host looking in my direction.... Cassie had raised her hand and was yelling out 'Ooooooone huuuundred and fiiiiiiiifty dolllllaaaaaars!' (in slow motion, I say again). It was like a scene from a war movie, but I was too late to dive across and pull her hand down (much like the soldier would throw themselves on top of a grenade or force a loaded gun out of someone's hand).

My head turned towards her (in slow motion) and I said, 'Whaaaat the helllll are you doooooing?'. She seemed slightly hysterical and enjoyed the eyes of the synagogue being upon her for her moment in the sun......

The clock ticked slowly and the host made his way through, 'Going once...... going twice......'

And praise the lord, someone said, '$155!'. At this point all eyes swung back to Cassie to see if there would be a bidding war. I actually physically held her arms down this time (no exaggeration). I saved her $160.

So now whenever you see Cassie, feel free to raise your bidding-hand and yell out, 'ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!'. She will laugh with you. Of course, it all brings back memories of our 'Cash Battle' TV stardom, where she was the official team captain and there was the controversial 'late bid call' that cost us the match.

We just got a contraption at work that allows you to play videos and dub them onto the computer (and write them to DVDs later). I might put my two TV quiz show appearances onto DVD so I can send them to anyone who happened to miss my glory.

2.
NEXT BLOG
I accidentally discovered the next-blog button on the top-right-hand-corner of the screen which takes you to some random blog. I clicked on it by mistake and luck would have it that the blog I went to had exactly the same formatting as mine, but was in German. I thought I'd somehow translated my blog to a foreign language and was wondering how the hell I would fix it.... if it was fixable. Nicky's cell-phone has been in Spanish for years because she is incompetant and accidentally changed languages once.

I tried a few more and was mildly amused for a while. I even made a comment on some kiwi girl's blog (she had been to a uni ball and everyone else paired off and she felt lonely - I empathised).

I quite liked this one:

Name: A Decent Man
From: Indonesia
About me: This blog is just for my interest, to fulfil my desire to write to myself. So if you accidentally stuck into this humble world, just leave in peace. I am not a creative designer nor guru in webdesign; I am not a good writer nor a famous person; I am just a humble and decent man.

3.
NETBALL
I liked netball tonight. It was a good and clean game. First one in ages. I like to credit the ref (who used to be head girl at the school me and Ken and Sam R teach at).

We had an awful patch in the second half where we couldn't pass the ball, but on the whole I liked our flow and our defence was great.

I always find it eerie playing on that court when you can hear the music-box sounds coming from Jungle-rama next door. Feels like you're stuck in some Chucky movie or Children of the Corn.....

4.
I WISH I KNEW WHERE THEY WERE, BUT SADLY THEY ARE LOST (OR THIEFED)......

- My stripey beanie from K-Mart. While it was cheap, it matched almost everything I ever wore. I lost it about three years ago and have never quite found a suitable replacement. I have spent a lot of time and money attempting to do so. It perhaps got lost somewhere at indoor netball.

- My bike. It was an infamous occasion when my bike, which I hadn't used for years, got stolen from our flat a month before I was to ride it in a triathlon. Nowadays I would actually find it quite handy for biking to work. It would be one way to avoid the fumey tunnel a bit. Sigh.

- My mum's earring. She had this really great pair of jade earrings in an art deco drop style. I was parading around in them as a child and one fell off (they were clip-ons). It was outside in the long grass and couldn't find it anywhere. Months later Mum came into my room and patiently said, 'Kate, do you know where my other earring is? I don't mind if you lost it.... I just want to know what's happened to it so I can stop looking for it.' She gave me the green light to admit my sin..... But I lied! I said, 'No Mum, I have no idea!' It has been on my conscience for years, particularly now that I'm older and would actually have loved to wear them myself!

5.
RETURN OF THE ANGE

She has finally added to her blog for the first time in ages. Those of you who gave up checking could find up to THREE new entries.

Party Party Party (x3)

I went to THREE parties this weekend. Good gracious golly gosh. Takes me back to my younger days.

Party #1
Drinks at Ed's on Friday night.

Ed made mulled wine. I like mulled wine. He also made saveloys. Ed has an affinity for old-school party snacks. And food shaped like animals. I got butter chicken from the best take-away Indian shop in Wellington and ate it by myself. It was good to see The Posse together again and planning future adventures out Lake Ferry way.

I did not get drunk. I chatted to Ryan about his love life, always interesting. Ryan has sworn off alcohol altogether. He is now a tee-totaller to aid his body building. As he admitted, he can be obnoxious WITHOUT the aid of any other substances. He spent the night macking on two girls, one of whom voluntarily gave her his number (wheeee). At times we eavesdropped and heard him talking about diseases and thought that wasn't a smooth move, but then we looked over and he was doing muscle-flexing poses, which the girlies LOVED.

Drunken appearances were made by several friends and colleagues, some of which were amusing. I spent some time in the kitchen listening to Sam and Matt talk about dorky boy-things. Matt tried to force me into PDAs and insisted it was ok if we were obscured by a pole. I did not believe him.

We were walking home past Liquor King and a young man stopped us in the street and said, 'Hey man - can I borrow your girlfriend?' To my relief, Matt quickly answered, 'NO!' and walked on. We turned to listen to the fellow's reasoning, and he explained he'd found a girl in the street who was comaed out and wouldn't talk to them and he thought she might respond better to a fellow girl. Matt calmly said that she didn't look like she was fit to respond to ANYBODY, so good luck buddy.

Party #2
Morgan's Squatter Party

Saturday night brought the apartment party on the Terrace. Now, just getting into this one was an intelligence test. I sent an SOS text to Sam, then heard him yelling ‘I can seeeee you’ from SOMEWHERE nearby and up high. But I looked up and saw nobody. I felt like I was in the movie ‘The Game’. Me, down below in an empty court-yard. People looking down on me from above. Some cryptic intercom system where you had translate an apartment number into a four digit code.

I have a small fear of intercom systems. I hate telephones anyhow, so intercoms are even worse. I’m not even sure what you’re supposed to say into them.

Once I got inside I liked the smell of the hallways. They had that motel-smell of air-freshener and cleaning products. Kinda new smelling. I made my contribution to the Benny-Bucket (finally finding a use for part of the present I bought Ange’s now-ex-boyfriend before I was uninvited to his party).

Sam and me hopefully made an arty-photo out on the balcony with a party-popper and an extended exposure. I was glad to help Sam in his new hobby of ‘photographing things other than planes’.

I chatted to some Ultimate people and had to make multiple excuses as to why getting up early(ish) on a Saturday morning and practising throwing Frisbees in the mud was not something I could do….. Many a good conversation was had about T-shirts. Sam had a sci-fi one on, Morgue had a cryptic algebraic equation on his and I had an elk on mine. There was another conversation where Sammy was musing about how he finds it hard to drink alcohol when he has a cold. I said (fairly innocently, I thought) that there are other things that are very difficult when you have a cold too. Fish knew exactly what I meant.... and Sam contributed the phrase 'smothered, but in a good way'.... I'll say no more.

Party #3
Matt’s Friends on The Terrace

I had had two vodka-and-red-bulls by this stage. I walked up to Kelburn Parade to meet Matt. While there were a lot of hills I kept saying to myself, ‘My Dad used to walk up here from the train station EVERY day, in bare feet in the winter when he was at Uni…..’ I somehow got up to the top bus-stop without seeing Matt, so I texted him and found out we’d missed each other. So I hid from him up some stairs (sign #1 that the vodka was taking effect). I tried bombing him with wine-gums, but they missed.

The party had lots of cool young folk at it. I was shy. I probably hung off Matt like some clingy girl. But as I got more vodka-affected I made my own fun. I have visions of dancing with Matt to various music (now, I am fully aware that I’m a horrible dancer….. so that image worries me, especially considering that for most of that we were the only ones dancing, yet there were other people in the room….).

I drunk a whole hip-flask of vodka! Now, while I never get ‘drunk’…. I do get to the stage where I like running away and hiding. That might be mildly annoying to sober boyfriends (and others). Matt found me hiding up in the attic spare-bedroom and said, ‘Kate, time to go home’ (I think he had to come up and say it three times before I obliged and climbed down the ladder, which my sensible side was putting off due to the difficulty of the task). I then grabbed my stuff (even in vodka-induced states I never lose stuff, it’s a skill) and ran out of the side door. I got clear to the bottom the Hunter Building driveway before I stopped and looked behind. Matt wasn’t in sight.

I hid down a side alley, but he was too clever and found me. I ran away again, up and down the side-path to Salamanca Rd…. but he eventually texted me saying ‘Kate, stop hiding’ so I had to find him.

Ahhh, takes me back to my younger days! But at least I didn’t fall asleep at this party. That was my #1 aim for the night. I perhaps need to reprioritise my aims for the next party (if there IS a next party). I am perhaps now known as 'Matt's girlfriend who falls asleep at parties, doesn't say much and gets fairly drunk'. The only consolation would be if they put 'but she's hot and wears cool t-shirts' in there somewhere as well......

All is Good.

I'm in a good phase right now. Things tend to ebb and flow - I must be flowing (or should that be ebbing?). One or t'other.

Work is fine. I'm a little behind on my marking, but everything else is running smoothly enough. I'm feeling positive about the progress of The Magazine (a beast that shall later in the year try to swallow me up).

I'm listening to a great Radiohead song. Black Star. It is making me feel good too. I'm stealing Sam's styles there.

My flat is good. I like the present mix. I am 100% glad I asked the old one to move out. It is now me and three lads - and they are picking on me, but I can handle it. Their latest thing is when we're watching TV, if I talk they start bitching about how girls always try to gossip over top of movies... and they say 'Less talkie talkie, more shutty shutty'. Andy watches the news every night. It's forced me to get into that routine. It's very good for me.

Glenn has taken over the job of fixing the back door (which was kicked in by some mysterious force a week ago, and is yet to be fixed by the mysterious 'handyman' who never turns up). He is presently sanding and cutting wood. He is totally in his element. He even went round to Matt's house to get more tools (without me knowing) - an odd incident of 'worlds colliding'. This would be about the only guy I've gone out with who would get on with Glenn. An odd phenomenon, but actually quite good. It's nice when everyone kinda gets along.

I have played indoor netball, volleyball, ultimate and basketball this week. Sporting fun! I'm looking forward to winter being over so I can start recruiting people for games of tennis again. That's a lovely after-work routine to get into once the days are longer and warmer. I might even invest in a couple of new raquets so that nobody has any excuses :)

My brother has a regular job for the first time..... since the late 1990's. He seems happy about it. Maybe he's found a niche.

People all around seem to have good things going on. People getting things published, buying houses, having good relationships.

The winter funk must be nearly over.

I have three parties to go to this weekend! That's insane. I will have to be on my 'A-game' to handle it. One of them is with Matt's friends. They are all 23-odd years old. I think once you're over 25, you can't party like you could at that age. I certainly felt the change. I am going to try my hardest to 'represent' the older age bracket more positively at this party (no falling asleep before midnight). I will drink lots of V.

My guitar has even been tuned for me (thanks to a team effort from Matt and Andy). I haven't actually played it in a while. But it's good to know it's tuned, just in case I get the urge.

***

Top Seven Things I'm Looking Forward To

1) Warmer weather - feeling like going out after work and doing stuff instead of coming home and hibernating by the heater and eating.

2) Sam's 30th - I'm sure it'll be swell, whatever it is! And if it's an excuse to dress up pretty, even better.

3) Seeing the new Jack Black movie where he's a Mexican wrestler. Good clean fun! There's nothing on at the regular movies right now that even vaguely inspires me.

4) Me and Ange might be going on a mission up to Gisborne to visit a friend of ours. That'd be like old times. The friend we're gonna visit is one of the nicest people you could ever meet.

5) I am about to reach a new mile-stone in my savings account. I think I'll get there in two more pay-packets.

6) On of these days I'm going to try a hot chocolate at Shoc Choc in town (they have a cafe on that street the Warehouse is on in town, down towards Courtenay Place). Apparently they are DIVINE. They use real chocolate.

7) I am going to buy some artworks off kids at school who are raising money for a trip. They are beautiful ink prints. Original art-work is all good.

Letters

I got a letter from my grandma today. I opened it and found a card and then a 7 page letter.... I sighed. My grandma's writing is very hard to read and she tends to mention her gout and my brother's employment status a lot. Though, she has a good sense of humour.

BUT....

I found out, upon reading it, that the letter was an old one my mum had sent her when I was in about Standard Three. It's fascinating to read Mum's perspective of those days! Specially since it's like a voice from the grave. I remember all the things she wrote about.

I am going to type it out for my own posterity. The youngest child in me comes out when I read all about David's successes and then about Katie's 'trying hard' at gym and putting on lots of weight when I stayed with Grandma.... :) I didn't get good at stuff til later on in life........... I like that my mum was a procrastinator too.

'Dear Mum and Allan,

It's before 8 o'clock. The kids are making their lunches without fighting for once and I'm sitting here working out how much I have to do in the next few days. I have spent a couple of weeks doing very little for my outside interests and I have enjoyed being at home for a change. Have done a little sewing and cleaned out a few cupboards. Trouble is that things are catching up on me - have promised to have a submission to the council for a pedestrian crossing ready for tonight and I haven't started it. Meeting tonight!! And then on Wednesday I speak to a group on children's books and I haven't prepared my talk yet. Think I have to fill an hour!

Worst of all I have to make a t-shirt for David for a concert. His jazz ballet class is performing on Thursday night and he is supposed to have an aqua t-shirt. Naturally the shop had sold out when we got there. Should be fun as I have to try and make one the same as the others will be wearing with no pattern!

He looks funny in his dance - knows all the steps well but isn't sure when to change and his eyes are on a swivel to see what the girls are doing. I'm sorry now that he didn't go for his exam - he would have passed I'm sure. Kim's classes got top marks for NZ. Still, if he sticks at it he will do ok as he is much younger than all the other grade 1's (Some are high school age!). He will be nervous by Thursday night.

David had two nights out last week as his school put on a performance of 'Aladdin'. He was in the choir and had to go on stage once to hold up music. Gave us a bit of a giggle as he and his friend had on conical shaped hats and as they stood in front of the curtain the hats would touch it and lift up at the back. They would drop the music and grab hats and then grab music again. David only did it a few times but his friend spent the whole song grabbing hat and music alternately. Made it very hard to sing along as he music kept bobbing up and down.

Did I tell you David passed his Iron badge at gym? His marks weren't wonderful but the best for the club. Katie passed her Grade 2 also, but that is virtually given to you as long as you try hard! She is a trier but about as gifted as me.

Got paid back for sitting writing at breakfast time - Merv ate ALL the fresh fruit salad I had put out for breakfast. Not a nice thing to do to a person on a diet.

We have actually been getting out and about more lately - sick of staying home ALL the time. Went to the beach for a whole day two weeks ago and the kids raved about how wonderful it was. Makes me realise how little we go out as a family. It was a lovely, sunny, hot day.

Exactly seven days later we went away to visit friends in Taihape in the snow. It was fantastic to see snow falling - David ran around like an idiot trying to catch snowflakes. Kate was too busy playing with her friend Bekah to do more than give the snow a fleeting glance. We had gone all that way so that Katie could go to Bekah's birthday. It was not really a holiday for me - Sharron (the mother) is a bit muddle headed and I ended up preparing food, arranging games etc, for Taihape kids for a change! Had to come back the next day for a dancing practice for David.

We have been to the movies twice! Went to 'Mad Max - Beyond the Thunderdome' mid-week before Labour weekend and then to 'Came a Hot Friday' on Saturday night. It's lovely being able to take the kids with us.

Had to buy six birthday presents in seven days! Katie has been to two birthday, David to two and me to two (children from playcentre turning five and especially inviting me). It's been hectic fitting it all in.

Have joined the swimming club at cost of $110!!! So far David and Katie have been once each! $55 a swim so far! Merv keeps forgetting to come home in time to get them there.

Kate has decided on a Tropical Island theme for her party. Everyone to come dressed up and games and food to follow that theme! At least its is an improvement on the original which was a slumber party. Couldn't stand the thought of all those giggling girls for a whole night!! I have to make paper leis for all etc etc. Should be fun!

9 o'clock now. Must get a move on or the day will disappear!

Thank you for the money for petrol and for Katie's birthday. It won't go astray. I had one day of teaching that I actually enjoyed and none since. So there goes my source of funds. It was lovely to actually be earning a bit of money! Only $500 in all but it paid for boat tickets without us drawing from our savings and that was nice!

[on christmas holiday plans to go visit Grandma in Westport]
And you won't need as much food as last time - Katie put on nearly half a stone the time they stayed with you. She stayed that same weight for a whole year just growing taller to fit the weight! David has been conscious about good and bad foods too. Doesn't stop him eating lollies but he tends to eat less junk food and more good food - a bit anyway. I think they don't like watching me dieting - or trying to! See in the paper that it is quite okay for women to put on 20% in weight from 20 to 40. That's encouraging. Maybe plump will come back into fashion again if I wait long enough.

Really must go, lots of work to do.
Love,
Pam

And I really did forget your birthday this year. Must get Katie to put it up on the calender next year when she does everyone elses.'