Monday, August 14, 2006

Top Ten Self-Inflicted Injuries

While I don't run or jump fast or high enough to get a lot of sporting injuries, I am dopey enough to get standing-still and cleaning injuries. Here are a few of my favourites. Feel free to add your own.

1) I grated my thumb instead of a potato once. Ouchie.

2) I have two burn marks on my right leg from sleeping with hot water-bottles (separate ocassions).

3) I raised my hand to stop the flying-fox I was riding on from hitting the tyre at the end of the wire.... Scar on thumb. Me stupid.

4) I fell over once just by stepping onto a curb while trying to dribble a basketball. I arrived at practice with blood running down my knee and everyone expected a dramatic story..... I had to admit that I was just walkin' along....

5) I got a raisin stuck up my nose once because I was playing with my food....

6) I once was drunk (just the once) and I was walking along when Ken got cheeky to me, so I tried to do this fancy kick behind my back to get him back..... I failed and fell on my face, grazing both my knees and getting holes in my stockings. I looked like a bum after that.

7) I was so proud that I'd finally done a hand-stand at gymnastics that I wanted to show my mum at home...... I didn't notice there was a painting hung on the wall about where my feet would be connecting with it. I kicked it. It shattered all around me. My mum was very worried but luckily only my toe got cut. Three stitches.

8) I lived in a flat where the ceiling was getting mouldy in the bathroom. It was fairly high and hard to reach but I deciphered that it was easiest to clean just after I'd had a shower (it moistened the mould). So, after a shower I got a cloth and stood up on the porcelain sink..... eventually I had to start reaching out quite a bit..... my towel fell off... I ignored this. I reached too far, my foot slipped on the damp and slippery sink.... I fell off and landed on the floor. That would have been an embarrassing time to have knocked myself out unconscious.

9) Another bathroom ooopsy. I was in the shower at my Dad's new house, which is in the bath. It has a screen door going the full length of the bath. I slipped, and to break my fall I grabbed for the top rail of the sliding screen..... Of course, it wasn't really that strong.... I assed over again, taking the whole thing with me. There was an almighty crash, Lynne came running, asking if I was ok. I pathetically said, 'Uh, yes...' from my new position at the bottom of the bath. I cut my hand fairly deeply on the screen.

10) Last year I was at an indoor netball game. We were milling about before the toss and I jumped up and down a couple of times to loosen up or something. I felt a tweak in my knee but ignored it. That tweak turned into a swollen and sore knee for a month afterwards. I had to limp all around school and people felt sorry for me. It was so swollen I couldn't kneel at all. I'm getting old....

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