Now and Then. Have we changed?

Top Ten ....

Feel free to chip in ideas.

1) Top Ten fashion disasters of my teenage years
2) Crayola crayon colours
3) Vegetables to use as weapons in a fight
4) Unlikely names for a Super 14 rugby team
5) Flavours to combine with peanut-butter on toast
6) Things it is impossible to do quietly when drunk
7) People you would not want to have to sexually pleasure
8) Habits you have dropped over the years
9) Things you have done once and will never ever do again
10) Items of 90s fashion you hope will come back 'in' soon

My answers:
1) The Fringe.
2) Periwinkle
3) A marrow
4) The Blossoms
5) NOTHING. Other than butter. Only freaks and loonies put things like cheese or banana or jam with it. GROSS.
6) Take off your high heels (they must be throw across the room and bang noisly against things)
7) Paul Holmes. He is a yucky yucky little man.
8) I used to have to tuck the bottom of my sheet in before I went to bed. Now it's all over the place. My standards have dropped.
9) Ange knows. We discussed it today.
10) Slip dresses

* * *

The top photo is me and Chrissie cutting Fish's hair at t-coll. We were both drunk. She was insane to let us near her hair with clippers. It ended up being a #4 all over. Oopsie! Below that is a picture six years later of me straightening her hair. Much safer.

Note that Sam managed to get a double-ass shot in there. Nice one! Note also (for those of you unlucky enough to never have seen the inside of my bedroom) the ridiculously expensive but beautifully flat screen on my TV. I am wearing my aforementioned fat-top - the luxury of never having to pull it down over my midriff!

* * *

Me and Ange had a self-indulgent day (becoming a trend). We went to a cafe and mused about the world over iced coffee and scrambled eggs. Then we got out five DVDs (three of them utter crap, thanks Ange!). Shaun of the Dead and Jackass: The Movie were good, of course.

We enjoy angsting together. We had similar moments of weakness last night which we regret in hindsight. Instantaneous technological messaging devices are dangerous things when used with improper intentions. There were incidents of a fake-accidental text and an unanswered msn message. *Cringe*.

We were simultaneously happy and depressed by the news that yet another of our school friends is engaged. It seems to be the year of the engagements for my age group (there were a crop about three years ago, another crop now). First my friends Clint and Lu in Levin, then Cass and Ant, a couple of people at work and now my friend Fifi in Levin.

Good thing is that it's another party coming up soon. Venue: The Loaded Hog in LVN, baby.

God - that all sounds negative. It was a fun day! Wallowing and angsting is fun when you do it together! And there were good times ..... We had licorice. And we saw the cutest spaniel puppy ever. Seriously. It was one of thoes copper coloured ones.... and it was little and fluffy and it had a special drink-bottle.

* * *

Well done to Fishy on completing her triathlon! You are a legend!

* * *

I want to marry Johnny Knoxville and Ange wants to marry Bam Magera.

* * *

My flatmate borrowed my alarm clock for a project today. I made him reset it 12 minutes fast when he put it back. Always has to be 12 minutes fast. Not sure why. It just does.

* * *

The war against the rats/mice is continueing at my flat. We have laid out the rat poison gel-pellets and they have been consumed. Let the carnage begin! I had no real bones with the mice until I left a loaf of bread on the bench last week and awoke to find one of the bastards had eaten through both ends of it. I still ate some of the middle pieces it hadn't quite reached.... was that wrong of me????

* * *

I still have issues with how Ang Lee made the new Hulk film. Paul tried to convince me it was fine..... but I have my questions.

* * *

One of my guilty pleasures is that I think I'm the only person at work who uses the elevator to get down and up the two flights of stairs from the car park to the staff room. On mornings where someone happens to be walking up the drive at the same time as me I have to walk up the stairs with them because they give me funny looks if I turn off to use the elevator.... it seems lazy................... But lap-tops are heavy and awkward to carry................................................. And I still have fantasies about being stuck in the elevator and having to get people to relieve my classes while I sit in there and wait to be rescued. It might happen one day.

* * *

The song in my head right now is 'Don't Stop Me Now' by Queen. It was in Shaun of the Dead.

* * *

I missed the Gilmore Girls today. I am trying to ease off that addiction. I was having to watch four or five episodes a day last week. And each one ended on such a cliff-hanger that I couldn't walk away......... Some people have cigarettes or alcohol. I have the zany crew of Star's Hollow. I really wanted to buy the 1st series when I was in town, but I held off. I have a lot of work to do this week............

I am LOVING that fat-lady tops are in at the moment. I just admitted defeat and bought a couple. They are SO comfortable. You know the ones I mean - they come in a bit under the bust (kinda princess line) and then flow out to the hips, quite long. They hide a multitude of sins :) And they'd be great if you were pregnant...... as well as just to hide a paunchy tummy and that muffin-top above your jeans. That is my fashion speil for the day.

I got a stripey one. I almost got red and white stripes... but if I buy any more red and white striped stuff it's going to become comical. I really have almost turned into Wally. So I got turquoise and brown stripes instead (very similar to a long sleeved one I've got - but short sleeves and looooong). Stripes rule. I now have about seven different stripey tops.

* * *

Me and Cass had one of our adventures last night. We like to form break-away groups when we're out with people. When the rest of the posse we were out with last night (for Ken's birthday) went to the Cambridge we pulled back and reversed direction to go to Mighty Mighty. Can you blame us? The Cambridge isn't somewhere I feel comfortable going to in a dress.....

For a $5 cover charge we got to see Meat-Bix play. I have visions of a man in mis-matching socks, a pregnant singer and Kenny G's long-lost identical twin. The highlight was when they played a trippy version of Dr Who. We hopped up and danced with the man in the pig mask. I think he pointed at me and said 'EXTERMINATE!' but the mask obscured his words a little.

I revelled in getting a jug of sassy-red. I just like saying that. Sassy-red.

The rest of the posse found us and joined us at the primo table we had nabbed right at the front of the room. They didn't seem to like Meat Bix as much as us. We were singing along to our 'favourites'. It helped that the singer often just sang noises rather than words ('Aaaaaa-oooooooooh-eeeeeee'). We think we sounded really good.

We then had to follow Ant to Shakers. It reminded me why I don't like Shakers. It's a ..... young crowd. Though I don't think I ever liked it there even when I was young myself (I'm sure there was such a time..... my memories are becoming fuzzy).

Good old Cass! I enjoy our breakaways. We make a good going-out pair because we have fun wherever we are. If it's a stange band playing, we'll still pretend like they're our favourite...... I like like-minded people. And we're happy in our own company. We need not the excitement of other people. And we like taking pictures of ourselves. This is the picture where I look least like Morticia Adams. Note Cassie's lovely new birthday jewelry.

I can officially recommend the pre-7pm dinner deal at Mt Fuji. It's only $18 for several bits and pieces. You get a little salad, miso soup, tempura vegetables, your choice of meat (a generous portion) and rice. For an extra $4 you get fried rice and the little catching games that go along with that (catch the raw egg in your bowl, the cooked egg in your mouth, the rice in your bowl). Jolly good! And it's all done in front of you!

BUFFETS

I have several buffets strategies. It is essential to get the most out of your buffets.

My first, and most important, rule is that you must start strongly, eating most of your courses in the first 20 minutes. I read somewhere that there's a delay factor between when you start eating and when you start to feel full. Make the most of that small window!

My second rule is that you don't need to adhere to normal rules of sequence. Because you are going to feel sick and bloated after about 20 minutes, it's ok to eat desert at the beginning. My only rule is that the fish course is best if not left until last. Fish on a queesy tummy is not pleasant.

Also, don't fill up on the soup. That is a cheap tactic these restaurants use to try to save money on the good stuff. Same with the bread rolls.

That is all.

But wait - penguins can't fly!

Our netball team has moved into the era of 'I Pity the Fool'. Morgan is to credit (blame) for the name change.

I think it's only fitting that certain players get cast with appropriate nicknames. Who get to be BA, Hannibal, Murdock and Face?

The girl playing defence for the other time was a prime example of 'what-not-to-do' in that she got pissy and lost her cool with us. She even refused to shake hands. Now, I've done that on ocassion myself - but never to a team so nice as US! I still don't quite get why she was such a pissy mood. I sure as heck hadn't mistreated her. I expect right about now she'll be reflecting and thinking 'Hmmm.... might've over-reacted just a tad.....'.

* * *

Pet Peeves - Edition 7

1) When you rip off your toenails and there's a jagged bit left and it scratches on the sheets when you go to sleep so you have to get up in the middle of the night to cut it off.

2) When I can can't get the label off ornamental things.

3) When I wash pillowcases and they don't get dry in time to put them back on before I go to bed and I have to sleep on raw stuffing.

4) Changing the bag in the vacuum cleaner. That cloud of dust and grime that bursts out of the bag makes my glands swell in anticipation.

5) Drippy taps. I have an acute sense of hearing.

* * *

In an interesting bit of work-place developments...... We were ('we' being me and my editor-in-arms) called to see the principal today regarding last year's magazine. The issue at hand seems to be that we edited an article and to make it clearer to the students reading the magazine, we added in a title when the property manager guy was mentioned (the kids having no idea who Mr L_____ is).

Turns out the title we added was below him. 'Groundsmen' are underlings. People must be pointing at him in the line at the supermarket and laughing.

I hate petty complaints.

They make me want to abuse my new-found knowledge that the photocopier in the library does not distinguish between A4 and A3 and charges you the same for both....... I could go crazy with that info. Giant handouts for everyone.

I'LL PUT OUT YOUR INVISIBLE FLAMES! YARP!

Had a lovely day with Ange (who was avoiding her flatmate's friend and his random score who were 'sleeping' on the floor in her lounge after coming home drunk last night). One of the many joys of flatting - random people fornicating in your lounge when you want to watch crap Sunday morning TV with your cereal.

Saw 'Hot Fuzz' and agree with Morgan's take on it (see his blog). Twas good. Yarp.

I saw 'Tellabega Nights' yesterday and it was fairly average with a few funny moments. The two lines I have managed to get into everyday conversations from it are 'If you're not first, you're last' and 'I'll put out your invisible flames!'.

Someone once told me that Will Ferrell is one of the best steal-sceners and character actors, but can't quite manage to carry a film by himself. This film might evidence that opinion.

Still a pretty cool idea to call your son Power Ranger.

* * *

Have bought Gilmore Girls - Season 5. It is the era of Loralei and Luke finally getting it on and Rory f**king up. Good times in Stars Hollow! Loralei is very skinny this series whereas Rory has finally got some hips. On the whole I think the stylist in this series did a great job with hair and wardrobe too.

I watched one of the new episodes on TV2 today. It has made me confused (having watched one of my Season 5 episodes directly before it, and now another one a few hours later....... I can't remember who Rory is going out with anymore....... ).

* * *

I bought two new plants. That brings my total pot-plant haul to four. I have almost killed one of them, but Reidun nursed it back to life with some tough-love pruning.

One of the new ones is a cactus. It's like a mini version of what you'd see in a cowboy movie. It will be hard to kill (but I will try). The other one has pretty red leaves.

* * *

I have again started my 'Must lose 5kgs so I fit my pants again' diet. Today I displayed will-power by not ordering a sweet treat with my mocha at Starbucks, not buying any snacks to eat with the movie (I just stole some of Ange's) and not having any sweet treats with my eggs florentine at lunch.

I am pleased with my efforts. My pants will fit in no time!

I even exercised with Ange today. We went on a 75 minute walk around the bays and up through Roseneath. We saw a lot of houses we'd love to own if we were squillionaires and mused over how the heck anyone affords to buy a house in Wellington.

HI TRACE THE ACE!

This is my 'clog' as you like to call it, Trace. It's fairly mundane but certainly a slice of life in Kate-land.

Tracey is a girl me and Ange went to school with. She is 'cool' (note my use of inverted commas) and used to let me cut her hair at high school. It looked 'cool' when I cut it.

Ange ran into her randomly at the cricket a few weeks ago but other than that we haven't seen her in donkey's years. Since uni at Massey.... so at least 6 or 7 years eh. Apparently she looks just the same though. We almost sang a song together in the school talent quest, or own comedic genius version of 'You say potatoe'. But she chickened out. Oh oh, I have played Ultimate Frisbee properly, Trace. It's fun! (We used to play our own version at lunchtimes.)

* * *

I've been home alone all weekend. It's nice. As I was telling Sam last night, it meant I could wax my legs in the lounge while watching a Gilmore Girls behind-the-scenes show. Not something you can do with male flatmates home. Or most female ones, for that matter.

And today I watched an all-new episode of The Gilmore Girls. I'm not sure if it's wise for Loralei to be dating Chris again.... time will tell!

Though.... I just realised I haven't made any contact with humans all day (other than through the magic of technology). That can't be healthy in large doses..... I made eye contact with a guy while I was returning a DVD at the library, does that count?

* * *

Kankle has faded significantly. It has proven my wait-two-weeks-before-seeing-a-doctor theory to be a good one. Almost exactly two weeks after I sprained it, I could finally feel an ankle bone in there somewhere. I came home from basketball on Thursday and it had magically shrunken. It was swollen before the game, and afterwards it was miles better..... Mysterious. Does this mean playing sports is GOOD for injuries? I think it does - I will follow that rule religiously from now on....

* * *
I bought a laminator. I will laminate everything possible from now on. Come to me for your laminating needs. Instead of giving out stickers as rewards to kids I'm going to give out small laminated pictures from magazines..... Cool.

Your next netball draws will be laminated. With stickers. On coloured paper. Any advances on 'I Pity The Fool' as our name? (I'm not gonna be fancy and insist they put foo' - so much could go wrong with that as I learnt with 'Chickens in Choppers', or 'Chicken Choppers' as we became.....)

* * *

I also bought a dress made out of merino wool. Time will tell if that was a wise purchase or not...... So much potential for disaster, and yet so pretty..... And it has pockets. I have never owned a dress with pockets! Genius!

* * *

Went to Sam and Fish's House-warming Part Deux. This one featured origami and icecream in cones. What will Part Trois bring us?

There was a cat on the lawn and a Damon in the kitchen and a Sam at the BBQ. Fish was all over the place.

On the way home rather than say 'Who the heck is that weirdo in the car next to me wearing a cheese-cutter hat?' I was able to say 'Oh - it's Damon!'.

* * *

I really am an old lady. My latest ailment was allergies-that-turned-into-something else. After having to carry a tissue box around school all day, I spent Friday night curled up in my duvet in front of the TV, with my hand pressed against my forrid to verify to myself that I did have a temperature...... Grandma would be proud of me. Though she still has many many more ailments. I have years of practice before I get to her category of complaining.

Lynne has been diagnosed with about a billion things after being rushed into hospital one night last week. Pneumonia is one of them. COPD is another (something about chronic and pulminary and disorder) which means she'll be on a nebuliser or two from now on. She doesn't do things by halves!

* * *

I am looking foward to school camp this week. It brings about another return to the scene of my flying-fox accident. I still have the scar on my thumb. I'm hoping I'll also get to ride a horse for the first time in years. I wasn't a horsie girl or anything, but they're fun.

I am enjoying the power-trip of getting to play God and choose the groups all the girls are in. I could help form friendships..... or destroy them...... THE POWER! I'm leaning towards putting the cliquey-loud girls all in one big group and letting them fight it out for dominance, and having the quiet nice girls in the other group.

* * *

Janine told me when I saw her the other day that my name had come up in conversation halfway across the world.

Some young lasses from Wellington were staying at her hostel in Edinborough where she works, so she says 'What school did you go to?' Turns out they went to the school I teach at. So she says, 'Do you remember Miss J____?'

And they reply, 'Yes! She's the one that was getting it on with Mr Ball.'

Hilarious! Me and Ken have permeated a rumour that has literally spread across the world. The power of teenage girls and their gossip! Do not underestimate it.

To this day I will swear to any girl who is forward enough to ask that nothing went on between us - but they think I'm just trying to put them off the scent. It's too good a rumour to NOT be true! Let them have their fun, we say.

A grab bag of goodies.

A colleague of mine who shall remain almost nameless (for those in the know he is The Model) made one of the biggest faux pas I have heard of in a while.

He has a mysterious on-again off-again relationship with his girlfriend and today he may well have nailed the lid of the coffin.....

His ex/gf had a wee drama queen display and stormed off after some mini argument...... then tried calling him several times. At this point he composed a text to someone mentioning something about his 'psycho girlfriend'.

He decided to delete it.... but on auto-pilot instead of deleting it he sent it to the first person in his phone book.....

.... who happened to be his 'psycho girlfriend'.

Woopsie. I suspect she's gonna show him what pscyho really looks like now! And half his clothes are still at her flat...........

* * *

Kankle seems to respond well to sporting activity. I experimented with indoor netball tonight and was not inhibited. My shoe was very 'snug' over top of Kankle. It is becoming an entertaining experiment. I like the theory that it could be some kind of fracture.... but after my severly-bruised-ribs I refuse to set myself up for such disappointment........ The heartbreak and disappointment is not worth building yourself up to thinking you have a real injury.................. I'll have to settle for strange-sprain.

* * *

It was meet-the-parents night at school. Year 9 students were to bring along their families to have a sausage and meet their teachers.

The aforementioned Model had mustard on his chin most of the time..... I didn't tell him :)

* * *

My Lynnie (Dad's wife) is in hospital after a miserable night of pain and not being able to breathe. That's stink. She's had an awful time of it healthwise the last few years. In constant pain. Nothing life-threatening but definitely detrimental on quality of life. Not fair at all.

Spelling B

I took part in the Year 9 Spelling Bee today.

I went along to support the girls in my classes, but was the only spectator there. So I thought I might as well get out pen and paper and have a go at the words.....

And I got 17/20. The winners got 19/20 and another girl got 18..... So I came fourth. I was quite happy with that! That's out of about 25 of the top spellers in 3rd form. I only got hallelujah, erudite and synonymous wrong (I put hallalujah, errudite and synonomous).

I got some really tricky ones right like 'paradigm'.

If the other three girls pull out I am the official reserve........

* * *

Kankle is going strong but raising it up seems to work a bit. I made myself a luxurious pile of kankle-raising-cushions on the couch after school and sat there while consuming my packet of crackers with pesto and cheese. How decadent!

* * *

I have revisited a supermarket carpark. It was traumatic, but I drove extra slow and anticipated people doing dumb things. I escaped unscathed.

* * *

Home & Away is pretty good at the moment. I say I watch it just to keep up with the kids.... but sometimes I secretly watch it for my own enjoyment.................... I'm glad Sally is still alive.

On my feet.

I seemed to be standing up all weekend. My kankle did not like it. It is now swollen to the tips of my toes. When I poke it, there are waves that ripple down my water-retaining balloonfoot. I suspect that I could artfully turn it into a fountain by poking it with a needle in a few places.....

Dancing for a couple of hours last night probably did not help. Clumsy drunk girls standing on my feet with their stilettos definitely did not help. Here is a mandatory drunk photo of me with Neenie (who is, by the way, looking great - not that you can tell 'cause I cut half of her out of the photo - there's only enough room for MEEEEEE). Me and Neen did our patented dance moves - Stir the Pot and The Rib Extension. Hilarous fun (for us). Note my hair is much shorter due to my haircut. Ahem. I went to Ange's hairdresser so we are now hair twins.

I actually conceded to icing it (my kankle, not my hair). Seems a little drastic! And all that did was direct the swelling from my ankle to lower down in my foot. I wonder if it will disappear out the end of my toes if I move the ice-pack lower.....

I understand what pregnant women go through in those final weeks. A tiny bit, anyhow. Water retension sucks. Much.

* * *

Me and Cass went to a wedding expo out in the Upper of the Hutt. The most amusing thing was the doll they put on the bonnet of the limosine. It's slightly demonic. Look closely. And I don't think the guy was switched on enough to be displaying it for intentionally comedic purposes. I guess there is a niche market for that kinda thing out in the Upper Hutt......

And for anyone crazy enough to think I was browsing the expo for myself (plan ahead - I say!) I will clarify that it was for Cassie and her next-January nuptuals. I was bridesmaiding. Not that the people trying to sell me stuff realised in time - they'd already given me the free samples and lollies..... Good deal!

* * *

For those of you keeping track, I have now broken a fair few rules I wrote about here. Do as I say, kiddies, not as I do! It's ok - I still think I'm cool and that's all that matters.

* * *

I'm sure there was something else I thought I'd mention.... Hmmmm........ What was it? Oh yeah - car stuff.

I have (sub)consciously avoided supermarket carparks since my accident. I have only been to the New World in Newtown - because it's a different suberb and under cover it doesn't count. Hence I have very little food left. I have been buying my lunch at school and going out to dinner as often as possible. I still have cereal and bought milk at the dairy, so breakfast is sweet (luckily I stocked up on Hubbard's the week before accident).

This accident may turn me into a supermarket-phobe. Or give me a strange eating disorder where I always have to eat-out. DAMN THAT LADY!

* * *

Paul has moved into the sleepout (as of an hour ago). He and Reidun are bonding over cigarettes. I am again the only non-smoker in the flat. What're the odds?

It's not fair that us non-smokers miss out on all that bonding time due to sitting inside by ourselves........... I was busy icing my kankle anyhow, so I couldn't go outside with them. I think they know each other's life stories now..... I'm OUT OF THE LOOP! I see why people take up smoking now..................................................... So I limped up the stairs to ice my kankle in private and blog about it. I blame the accident for my anti-socialness. I'm a shell of my former self..................................

* * *

Not sure what the effect of the lane changes around the Basin will be. Good or bad?

* * *

I might do a photo essay of drunk shots of me. I have a lot of them. Dating back to t-coll days. Digital cameras did not exist before that.

Done and Dusted.

Flatmate found. We put the ad on and had a zillion people come and look (ok, around 20). It became almost like a comedy routine - we'd be just starting chit chat with one, and another would come to the door. So one of us would have to become the secondardy tour guide while one person held the fort. It was a team effort for a change though, which was nice. We had one guy come around that seriously slipped through the gaps and none of us could remember talking to previously at all.

Met lots of lovely folk. No serious weirdos, which is suprising for such a cheap room..... The worst was a guy who had his girlfriend in tow (doing some PDAs, a lot of hand holding etc) and explained that they were christian so couldn't live together because of family issues and really just wanted somewhere to store his stuff and sleep, but would be at her house most of the time....... Two Chileans (including the guy who owns the restaurant in Newtown - Ange and Cass, you know who I mean). A girl from my basketball team (who Clayton seriously thought was a guy until we assured him afterwards it wasn't - he was actually going to comment that 'Anabel' was an odd name for a guy).

So fun and games!

Our lucky new flatmate is Paul the Glassblower. Farm boy - so now we have Levin, Blenheim, the Hawkes Bay and Feilding all represented. Just call us 'Small Town NZ meets Hataitai'. He won over Reidun by making her listen to his cat purring on the phone last night. Clayton liked the fact that he was fairly sure this one actually was a guy. Be sure to make that clear if you ever have to introduce yourself to him.

* * *

Netball was rather heart breaking. But you can't complain about a good hard game. It really was goal for goal. I quite like a game like that where you have to keep the concentration levels up. And we can't blame anyone but ourselves for losing, which is humbling but better than being able to bitch about the ref etc.

And at least we get a Sunday off now.

* * *

All the kids were asking if I was all better today and peering at my eye. Quite sweet really.

* * *

I have a student working at Woolworths Kilbirnie who's going to short-change all the middle-aged Pakeha women with frizzy hair and glasses until she's got back all my money (she seemed a little shocked when I told her it'd be $700).

Good to have people on the inside.

* * *

Does anyone think that Ange is 'shy' and lacking in 'boldness'?

* * *

Cassie bought bridesmaid dresses already - and they're great! She can tick that one off the to-do list. I'm sure there'll be photos to come on her blog (though she promised not to put the ass shot up on there). I don't have ideal underwear on in the shot and will go on my 5kg bridesmaid diet before the wedding. Down from $190 each to $49 on sale. Can't pass up a deal like that!

I should have no problem pulling in it, if she has a good pool of single men there (that's my job as bridesmaid, is it not?).

* * *

Bed time. Night night.

B*TCH

Let me lay the foundations for my story.....

So I am bung. See my bung ankle in above photo (placed artfully by my iron mark). The bit where it balloons out usually goes inwards.

My eye is bung too. I went into work this morning and got sent home in case it's conjuntivitis or contagious. It's been like it for a couple of days (bit swollen, weepy, bloodshot). I had to teach one lesson before the reliever came, so I fashioned myself an eyepatch, but that's another story.

So here I am, this pathetic weepy eyed, limping shell of a person...... But I get to go home and have a day off work. Sweet! I offered to drop my flatmate in town for work then made my way to Kilbirnie Woolworths to get myself a treat for lunch......

As I drive into the carpark I notice it's quite full, so I'm driving along perusing for empty parks when suddenly I hear a loud scraping crashing noise to the left...... Somebody had backed out of their space right into the passenger side of my car.

I slow down and look back, and there are cars all around, so I decide to drive on a bit, park and come back.

Meanwhile the driver of the car gets out and comes down to where I parked. I get out and say, 'What happened there?' ... and then say, 'I've never had to do this before (mistake number 1?)...... She is very proactive. She starts asking for pen and paper and writes down her licence and insurance company for me (mistake number 2?). She takes the same details off me. She points out...

1) That she looked both ways before pulling out.

2) I must have been going fast for her to have not seen me..... 'You should drive slowly in a parking lot', she advises.....

3) That I should have seen her lights.

4) That her car isn't damaged - good thing about having a towbar. Looks like I'll have to get some panel beating though.

After all this I'm almost feeling guilty.... while I'm sure it's technically her fault, she's made me think that I must've been driving terribly! I thank her for the details and let her on her way.

Those of you who are more savy than me will see alarm bells right now.... I must admit I was naive and stupid.... she was a Pakeha middle aged woman. She seemed like somebody's mum.... she was giving ME sincere advice on how to drive more safely.... She'd been so proactive about coming over and getting my details and writing them down......

BUT....

I ring my insurance company and tell them the story, giving them her details. And it turns out.....

They're phoney! They're for a car that looks nothing like hers, registered to a man in Auckland who's not even with this company. Firstly that makes me angry because I have to pay lots more money on my excess ($700 since I'm only on my restricted). Secondly it pisses me off that people can be that mean and deceitful. Puts another chink in your faith in humanity! She seemed like a normal honest sort.........

Grrrr. I will not be so naive next time.

Things Fall Apart.

My body is going downhill! This year I've had hardly any periods of full fitness.

I had the bruised ribs, then the blisters, then the millions of itchy bites....

And today I have a sprained ankle and gummy conjunctivitis-ish eye. The worst thing is I literally fell over my own feet with nobody else around me, running back on defence. How hard is it to slow down and turn around without falling over!?!?! Harder than I thought, apparently. I have a nice wee bit of swelling after having continued playing the game (it would be too embarrassing to ask for a sub after falling over your own feet....... I had to act like nothing was wrong when I heaved myself back up to my feet.....).

I have to limp around with one eye closed. I look like a freak............ All I need is a humpback now.

Must be because I'm nearly 30.

Sam and Fish - did you notice a quick decline when you were 29? Or did you feel just fine?

And drink lots of wine.....

I feel naked....

... without my cellphone. I left it at work accidentally.

What if tonight was the night where I was going to get some fabulous and spontaneous one-off offer.... and I missed it.......

It could happen.

I'm anxious about it.

* * *

In other news, I got some girls at school to clean my car for me. They love having 'jobs' to do. And one of them did the front wheel-thingies a treat! They used to be kinda brown and rusty looking, now they shine and gleam. Check them out next time you see me in my 'ride'.

* * *

Finally waxed my legs so I can wear skirts and shorts again.

* * *

Quizzing tomorrow with flatmates most likely. All comers welcome (Sam - you still on nights?). Clayton swears he does the 5-minute quiz every day so he is primed and ready to lead the squad.

* * *

My winning streak is over. Michelle's team ruined it. Back to square one.

* * *

I know people born with extra thumbs or toes. It must be more common than I thought. And they're otherwise normal.....

* * *

I used to find Michael Rappaport sexy. I don't like him in The War at Home. He has eliminated himself from my Exemption List (published months ago on my blog). He's obnoxious. I know it's just acting.... but it has to come from somewhere real, doesn't it?

* * *

Someone I do still find sexy is Craig McMillan. Good to see him doing well again! He's so lovably streaky.

* * *

Did anyone else see that classic episode of Paul McKenna where one guy was hypnotised to believe he was a guru. And his one piece of wisdom he shared with everyone was 'You know that blue thing in the toilet - it's not an icy-pop'....?

We have something blue in our toilet. Every time you flush it's bright, bright blue. How sanitary!

There was also the 'You stole me eyebrows!' episode. Classic. And the 'I'm a mushroom - you're a mushroom - we're all mushrooms' skit was a goodie.

Times when it is inappropriate to text back in rhyming couplets....

My word of the week

Chutzpah!

Top Five Raw Vegetables

1) Baby Carrots.
2) Peas straight from the pod.
3) Radishes.
4) Cherry tomatoes.
5) Cucumber.

Five Wellington Eatery Recommendations

1) The margarita flavoured pizza at The Realm. Mmmmm.
2) Thursday through Saturday at Kai in the City. Live music and singalongs!
3) The chocolate cupcakes at Maranui Surf Club.
4) The chili iced coffee at Simply Paris. Iced Coffee Ole!
5) The vegetarian kebabs at the kebab place next to JJ Murphy's.

Five Things I Like in Clothes
1) Hidden pockets.
2) Head holes big enough to not mess my hair up on the way in or out.
3) Length.
4) Thumb holes.
5) Flattering necklines.

Five Summer Hassles

1) Socks that are dripping with sweat after sports.
2) Flies.
3) Melted chocolate in your car.
4) Squinting.
5) Loud cicadas.

Five Movies I was Pleasantly Surprised by

1) In her Shoes
2) Vanilla Sky
3) Sorority Girls
4) Best in Show
5) Anatomie

Five Things that Are Orange

1) Fish.
2) Carrots.
3) Pigott hair.
4) High vis gear.
5) Basketballs.

Weekend Goings On

The Posse and invited friends had a lovely time at Kai last night. Note Ange's short hair! Sam has a habit of surrounding himself by bevies.... My smile is the hugestest!

* * *

Weddings Galore!

I went to my good friends Lu and Clint's engagement party in Levin on Friday night. Took 2.5 hours to drive there (usually 1.5) in the stinking hot sun. But I cranked up my sing-along-car-cds and had a jolly good time!

It was an excellent excuse to pull out my impulse-buy-cocktail-dress and the food was gorgeous (neenish tarts and crostini with salmon and cream cheese).

I should have taken Clint's advice and used some of their insect repellant though....... I have dozens of bites which seem to be just coming into full force today. Even two on my buttocks, somehow....

This foot alone has 14 bites on it. If you were out with me last night you may have seen my rubbing my foot on things ... it may have looked odd....

Kai, bro

We took a posse of seven people out to Kai in the City last night on Marjorie Banks St in Mt Vic. It was delightful! The food was high quality and yummy and the atmosphere was very kiwi. There was a fulla on a guitar singing covers of songs we knew the words to and we all got handed the words to Pokarekareana (sp?) and had a good old sing-along.

I had Maori bread with dips (yum!) and the fish with hangi-mash and honey and aioli sauce (yum!) and chocolate pudding with berry compote and gourmet icecream (yum!). The kumara pie with icecream looked good too.

Then we ventured into town and went to a few bars for sensible drinks (not like last time!). I made everyone look at Pete's pictures in Deluxe - they seemed vaguely suspicious that we were taking photos. Here's the Mt Vic Honk Honk picture.

This is my new flatmate, Reidun, with her friends Sasha and Pete.

We discovered The Cavern which is a basement bar across from Vespa..... It plays Beatles and Elvis songs! That's right up my alley. Then me and Reidun continued on to Electric Avenue which looked like it could be good fun. She proposed an 80s party at our house followed by dancing there. Could be a goer! I own an asymmetrical top...

As a side note.... Reidun and I got home after midnight some time and decided to go check on Pete, since we never heard back from him and he was supposed to be at dinner with us. Picture us climbing up the path at the back of our flats (Reidun in high heels, both of us having had a few drinks) and peering through his windows, using my phone as a torch..... Funny picture and much potential for disaster. He wasn't there. We briefly feared being those flatmates on the news who said 'Well, we realised we hadn't seen him for a week..... but we weren't really worried until his rent didn't go through'.

He texted today and is just out of town. Phew.

One Love - but we're not the same.

Me and Sam and Fish. Sunny day and blanket. Watching the girls in short shorts and bikinis. Getting sunburnt hands. Henna on a fishfoot.

Reggae is the devil's music! I don't care what it's infused with.

* * *

Where's Katie???

Hi kids, can you spot Katie in the above picture?

Hint: She's wearing red and white stripes and sunglasses.

* * *

School started back today. It was ok.

My class seem decent with perhaps a few possible characters waiting to surface. Me and Girl-Sam were the two teachers meeting all the new students and their parents at the front gates. Having authority is a strange thing. We were the 'face' of the school. I did not abuse this authority, though Sam said to a poor wee lass 'You need to run up the driveway'..... and the girl actually did run. Sam's a PE teacher and always tells people to run.

I memorised all my class's names last night. I showed off my geeky skills by adding things like 'your name is second to last on the roll' and whenever anyone said a first name, I'd add the surname without even looking at the roll. When I also said, 'Oh - you live in Samoa St, don't you?' the word 'stalker' started to be bandied about by the peer support students.... but in a good way, I like to think..... :)

It restores my faith in the youth of today that one of them, in my 'getting to know you game' listed gospel as her favourite genre of singing. Bless! I thought they all liked the hippityhop and emo stuff.

It was blimin' hot. I see one advantage of working in a corporate job now - air conditioning, baby.

The Tides of Change

Bye Bye England

Englishmen 1, 2 and 3 left today. The car started (which is always touch and go) and was packed to capacity with gear. They are headed up the East Coast, with any luck, bound for Napier and Tauranga. I recommended Splash Planet for a good time.

They were top fellows. It was a nice chapter in the flatmate chronicles.

They said goodbye to the cat and took photos to remember it by.

Hello Canada

My Canadian flatmate is just putting up a display of his paintings at Deluxe Cafe tonight, running for the next two weeks. If you're there having a coffee, be sure to take note. I really like them - there's one painting of the inside of Fidel's which is just gorgeous and another one from inside the Mt Vic tunnel that is a yellowy-masterpiece.

Drinking

In true Simon-fashion let me state that I am never drinking again. I am struggling to remember why I seem to think getting drunk is fun......... right now it's just pain and a queezy tummy.

* * *

I have noted Morgue's meticulous love-making and Sam's hankering for skinny-dipping. There seems to be something in the air in blogland......

* * *

Internet Dating

Internet dating is proving fruitless. The two possibilities I had left simultaneously disappointed me. It seems that the guy who stood me up because he had alcohol poisoning was an indicator of the quality of men out there.......

The first possibility has overhauled his profile from a normal one to a 'looking for sexual encounters' one - I noticed this just after I had sent a message about cricket and clothes shopping. It's bizarre that he replied in much the same tone, just general chat - and yet his profile now has a photo of his naked torso. I can't reconcile that.

The second guy said to me, 'So when are we meeting up babe?'. Am I being overly fussy by vetoeing him purely on the basis of twice having tagged 'babe' onto the end of a comment and using terms like 'lol' too often???

Quickly Does It

Favourite Cafe at the moment - Eva Dixon's in Miramar (lovely service, lots of seating options, never too crowded, delicious and ever-changing variety of sweet things in the cabinet). Hard to find, but worth the journey. May I recommend the pumpkin, cream cheese and chocolate muffins.

Favourite Bargain - $12 book shelf from The Warehouse (available in red, white, green and fake-wood). Just the right height to go under a window and cheap enough that you can get a few and put them together to make one big bookcase with lots of compartments with many arrangement options. I would recommend them if you need any storage solutions for your flat/house or have a gap you want to make more homely. I got bright red ones.

Favourite EnglishGuy2 anecdote - after his drunken mishaps on Saturday, he was still keen enough to drink last night and somehow managed to fall into the bath (not even climbing through the window) and give himself a black eye. He said he seriously considered sleeping there all night instead of bothering trying to get himself back out. He cracks me up! He has a wonderfully dry and self-depricating humour. I will miss him!

Favourite Excuse for Standing me up on Friday Night - 'I was in hospital with alcohol poisoning' (that put me off in so many ways - I will stick with my original 'to the left' verdict and move on)

Favourite Drink - I got a coffee from Lido and it was delicious. I don't usually notice how good coffee is. I tried to order a 'cafe bon bon' which is espresson with condensed milk, but I'm fairly sure they just gave me a latte. Either way, it was yum. I can see why people become coffee afficianados now.



PS - my severely deeply internally bruise ribs still hurt. I had to try to avoid puffing at netball tonight 'cause it flared up again. I woulda thought that would be easy for me, given how lazy I can be, but I actually had to make quite a concerted effort! It hurt to make sudden movements and reach out too far with my left arm so I had to grimace every time someone passed me the ball and expected me to move.

I thought it was heaps better, but I think I may have just altered my breathing style sub-consciously to shallow breathing (which isn't good for you and you can get lung infections from it, woopsie).

I still suspect a mis-diagnosis. They're broken, damnit! I want a second opinion. I would go to that doctor on the Simpon's (the crack-pot one) - he'd say it was so bad they had to operate immediately. He would validate my pain!!!

Something to consider....

Instead of just taking meat to a BBQ (and let's face it - there's always too much meat somehow) take a tin of baby beetroot. I love beetroot. And baby ones are adorable. Drain the tin and put them in a cute bowl - and voila, a healthy side option to go with the plate of meat. Don't know why I hadn't thought of it before.

Sweating like a pig....

It was a very hot and muggy night last night. It was even hotter in the middle of the dance floor at Kitty O'shea's. But every song the band played was better than the last, so there was no chance for a break. Best song: Blister in the Sun. Good times! Me and Cassie reminisced about hilarious things. I almost got her doing the 'woo woo' belly laugh.

Angst....

Me and Ange had the traditional 'debriefing brunch' today at the Maranui Surfclub Cafe and filled each other in on the night's gossip. We are both feeling boy-angst about certain unpredictable possibilities we have. Very different kinds of angst - but very relatable. Takes your mind off other things anyhow. I am sleeping better than I have been for a while.

Where's Katie?...

I am loving my Where's Wally? top. Makes me very easy to spot in a crowd.

Shoes...

I have another pair of new shoes. These ones are great. They are possibly even a tiny bit too big, which is a rarity. I had to put inner-soles in to make them snugger. The issue with these ones is they gave me about five blisters per foot. Gotta push past that pain barrier though..... They go 'click-clack' when I walk.

SUDOKU

I am becoming a Sudoku machine. I have starting working through my giant book of them bought cheaply in a Boxing Day sale.

I have several effective tactics.

I timed myself to make it more fun (there are recommended times).

I think someone should start a competitive Sudoku league. Hand everyone the same puzzles, make it a race..... FUN!

My dad likes them too. We have similar minds. I annoy him by standing over his shoulder and giving him advice. He goes to the extreme of actually setting them up as spreadsheets on Exel. He uses Exel a lot in his job. He is my ubergeekdad!

* * *

On a less intellectual level, I bought a pretty dress that I had no reason to buy. I enjoy watching it hanging in my room - even if it is of no practical use.

Dresses are my weakness. They are something I buy on impulse even if I know deep down I'll end up wearing them three times (that's $30-$50 a wear - not efficient shopping!).

What are other people's shopping weaknesses??? What do you buy on a whim that you don't need?

Note: Yes, that is a slightly posey photo. I'm using the well-developed technique of setting the digital camera on timer to see what an outfit really looks like. It's much less biased than the mirror. I also took the unforgiving 'front-on' shot. Never good. Taking small videos is even better. I'm not the only person who does this - Ange takes ass-shots on her phone to see what her pants look like :)

My Saturday Night

I was explaining to someone what my plans were for last night.... and I had to warn them that I was having a geek night.

1) We played RISK
2) It was special edition Star Wars (TM) RISK
3) It was in the Hutt
4) I was drinking ginger beer and lemonade

But I don't care - it was ubergeekfun!

Game One

I was positioned very well in this game. I secured my continent early on and won lots of troops. Me and Sam seemed to form an unofficial peace-zone on our part of the board, so I was free to expand and build up forces. I was the early favourite to win.

I patiently waited until my force was mammoth enough to try to achieve my goal (not wanting to attempt it too early and give it away).... so I went for it in one turn. And I came THIS close. I only had three of Richard's soldiers to defeat and I would have won the game..... But the pesky little beggers just wouldn't die. And I ran out of enforcements.

I left it until next turn.... But then Sam's Black Plague swept across the board and took advantage of my thinned out army to win the game.

Richard was again, a b******.

Game Two

I was exhausted from my mammoth and heart-breaking effort in Game One, so didn't really put my heart into this one. Plus my troops were placed stupidly. Sam decimated one half of my army on about the second turn and then Richard swooped at me from both sides (it was his mission to kill me).

I had more fun playing with my spare army-men and making little prisons with them for the pieces I managed to eject from the board. They were my POWs.

So again, that b******* Richard thwarted my efforts. One day I will get him. He will rue the day he stopped me from winning. I will read up on my army tactics and next time I'll be more prepared. I'll have my troops in tip-top shape. I'm gonna practise my dice-rolling maneuvers for hours a day. And I'm going to audition my plastic-men to see who's most likely to have me roll sixes for them, and they will be part of my Special Lucky Forces, and they will have the honour of being on the Front Line when I attack Richard bin Laden. I will condition them to hate him via Clockwork Orange tactics (taping their eyelids open and doing mean stuff involving pictures of Richard).

Richard, you have been warned.

I am Martha Stewart

I sewed. All by myself. Apart from Lynne telling me how to sew and Fish showing me how to use the machine (except how to put the foot down).

I sewed in straightish lines and made cushions. I like them.

I noticed one of my flatmates made a stack of three of them to lean up against while watching TV. They are useful.

Hmm.... what shall my next craft project be............ I might just keep making cushions. That's what I did at sewing classes at Intermediate. I made lots of tiny (useless) cushions. My brother enjoyed throwing them up and trying to get them to go between the rafter and the ceiling in our lounge.

Mr Green Toyota Corolla - you suck!

I have never tooted my horn at anyone (except one time someone cut in front of me at the supermarket and Cassie was in the passenger seat and reached across and did it for me.... I was mortified and said, 'Cass - I don't toot!'). But I understood the mentally of getting road rage after a tiny incident on my beloved State Highway 1.

* * *
I had purposely waited until Monday afternoon to drive home, thinking the weekend traffic might have thinned out with people returning to the first day back at work. It hadn't really.

The whole way my little Silver Mazda Familia was part of a long snake of traffic, moving at a frustrating 90ks with no real sign of break-away chances in sight. I didn't bother trying to overtake anyone until I got past Paraparaumu. There was a camper-van in front of me most of the early part of the journey, but to its credit it wasn't holding anything up.

This is when I got angry whilst driving home from LVN. I had just been through both sets of lights in Waikanae and was at the point where the two lanes merge back into one. I was letting a second camper-van from the other lane go in front of me (as you do - one from each lane, having turns), and was leaving a little room for it, but obviously not enough for two cars to jump in front of me.... (on a day of slow traffic why would I want to do that?).

I was already resenting all the traffic that had gone in the right-hand-lane - it looked like all the impatient drivers and they were just trying to sneak a few places in front of me.

When the car behind the camper-van accelerated and decided to push in.... at which point I accelerated too, thinking 'Oh no you don't, cheeky bugger!'... at which point he accelerated more. I had to let him go in front or crash into him.

I said many expletives very loudly and gave the back of his car the evils for a long time. It went something like this, 'Merge like a zip, you stupid f*****!' Even one of my struggling sixth form students in English had understood the concept (and had the nouse to point out it is a simile).

I caught up with him at the Paraparaumu lights (fat lot of good his pushy driving had done for him!). I peered across to see who this inconsiderate b******* was. It was a normal looking man in his 40s, with what looked like two young daughters in the car.

It irks me that a normal looking person made me angry while driving. He ruined the mood of my Paul Simon Anthology CD. I see driving on the highway in times of thick traffic as a kind of team sport - like that road racing they do on bicycles. If you are the lead car you should do your job of keeping a good pace, and then drop off if someone else could do it better or you're holding up the team..... I like the comradery of it. We should all be resigned to being in it together. It's not any one car's fault that we're not doing 100ks. So passing any one car isn't going to achieve much. It strikes me as arrogance. It turns the group activity into a competitive one where every car is out for themself.

Mr Green Car ruined my team spirit.

Niblingsx3

From Friday to Sunday I have been helping with the niblings (great word, F+S). There's Hannah (8), Finn (7) and Ruby (15 months).

My observations of Children
- It takes a long time to actually leave the house when there are kids involved. They don't think to put shoes on or go to the toilet (and we had an incident where as soon as we walked to a playground, we had to go straight back home for a toilet emergency - kids!).
- No matter how many shiny-noisy-sparkling toys you put in front of a baby, she will still be more interested in playing with the buckles and straps on her stroller for half an hour.
- The sound 'da-da' can mean many different things, from 'dad' to 'did it!'.
- Rough games inevitably end in tears.
- Kids assume you want to hold anything they can't be bothered with (excess sweaters, shoes, rubbish, balls).
- The Disney Channel has some quality programming! I like Hannah Montana (which, incidentally, has Billy Ray Cyrus and his real life daughter in the main roles) Something Something Raven (with the annoying little girl from the Cosby Show - Denise's step-daughter).

Things I am Enjoying at the Moment
- I have, in my slothful state, discovered the radio. I very much enjoy enacting my early afternoon rituals to the Midday Matinee on National Radio. They had a whole hour of songs about Elvis (not by him, note). Interesting!
- The fact that netball's starting back up. I need to exercise.... I played non-stop cricket with Hannah and found it hard to run around the wicket and back.....

Things I am Not Enjoying
- Wellington seems to be hogging the news headlines with horrific stories. I don't like the thought that someone was going around our neighbourhoods randomly shooting people. I don't like the thought that someone got raped in a car-park in Newtown around the corner from where I used to live. Those are the kind of things that ought to be happening in other countries.

Animal Infestation

My flat is slowly being taken over by animals of various kinds.... It's like a bad horror movie. Tonight was the night of The Maggoty Mouse Hunt

1) The Ants.
They have been coming for a few months now. I've spotted them in my food cupboard and they sent scouts upstairs to my room and seem to enjoy my leg-waxing kit (it is sweet and sticky). They are easily assailable - small and slow. I kill them one by one.

2) The Spider.
English-guy#1 woke up with an itchy spider bite on his neck one night. He thinks it jumped in through his open window.

3) The Maggots.
I was putting the rubbish out tonight and since I'd been away on rubbish day the last few weeks, we had some rather old bags nobody else had thought to put out. I peered into one and saw a festering pile of maggots. I was bemused by this. It's happened once before in our flat, months ago. Maggots are fairly harmless to me. Gross but harmless.

4) The Mouse.
We have known for about a month that there is (hopefully only one!) a mouse living in our kitchen. It seems to enjoy one of the lower shelves and our cupboard-of-rubbish-under-the-stairs. I had a face off with it once. It got away (I let it - to be honest). Tonight, whilst I was looking bemusedly at the maggots, the little blighter jumped out of the bag and damned near landed on me. It continued to skitter about all the walls of the kitchen whilst I nimbly tried to jump out of its way. I had jandals on - this made me even more nervous about vermin being around my feet. If you know my lack of grace and coordination, the image of me 'nimbly' jumping out of the way of a mouse might be comedic. Very rarely do I move quickly. We had it cornered behind the fridge briefly, then it made a dash for freedom.

Comedy ensued. The mouse raced into the lounge. My yells of surprise had alerted the English-guys to the mouse's presence. It disappeared somewhere under the couch. There was a moment of calm. I went and got my mouse-catching-container from the kitchen, someone took out the rubbish. After my first face off with the mouse, where I had been sorely lacking for catching-apparatus, I had scouted out an ideal container, just for this type of ocassion. At this point English-guy#1 noticed the maggots had leaked onto the kitchen floor and nearly fainted. That concerned him more than the mouse.

We got a pincer movement going in the lounge - all with containers and cushions in hand - and vowed to make the mouse go out the front door. At that point it lept out somewhere between my feet, making me jump and scream, and disappeared again. English-guy#2 became the mouse scout and swore it was under the far section of the couch. We pulled the other sections away to give it less exit routes. English-guy#1 lifted the couch right up.... but there was no sign of the mouse. I accused the mouse-scout of having failed at his job..... but then we heard a scratching sound. The mouse had somehow lept up into the couch (much like how people cling to the bottom of cars or roofs in houses in chase scenes of Hollywood movies - this mouse has style).... and jumped out of it. Luckily it ran right out the door for safety.

YEAH - AND DON'T COME BACK, VERMIN! I yelled after him.

All this while Canadian-flatmate had been on a phone conversation to a friend back home. The person he was calling was very amused by the commentary of maggots and mice and the yelling coming from the rest of us. I think it may have sounded like his friend was living in a hell-hole .....

Note: I was incredibly brave the whole time! I did not scream in a girly way (only in a surprised way, which is very natural) and I played a key role in the plan to force the mouse out. I did not shie away from the action. And I was the one who then cleaned up the maggots. And I can change lightbulbs. I am SUPER GIRL!

Small but Hard Steps

Nicky-with-curly-hair told me years ago, back at Teachers' College, that to have a successful modern relationship you need to have a cell-phone and email. As a person without a cell-phone I thought she was ridiculous.... but now I know better! All that romance I could have been missing out on back in the early 2000's......

Here are some extracts from a long-term social project Cassie, Ange and I have called 'A Wellington Girl's Guide to Life'.
Chapter 17: The Break-up

There are two small steps you might be working towards which are tiny actions requiring less than a flick of the wrist, but milestones in your 'getting over him' phases.

1. The Cell Phone

If a relationship ends and it is obvious that you have no context to still be friends with the guy and you come to realise he may not have treated you as well as you deserved it is often somehow still hard to delete his number from your phone. There's still that 0.01% of your otherwise logical brain that thinks there may still be an 'I miss you! I made a terrible mistake!' text coming. You want to be able to say, 'Too bad! You missed out!' and feel better.

We come up with excuses like 'But I just want it there so that if he texts me I'll know who it is....' in order to justify not deleting his number.

In very unfortunate situations we send The Drunken Text asking oh-so-casually what he's up to late on a Saturday night. We try very hard to not have typos in this so as not to make him think we have become a pathetic shell of a lush post-breakup. We regret it the next day.

Even if he replies in an oh-so-casual manner, we realise it does not fit in with our dignified approach to The Break Up. Though, we may achieve a small amount of satisfaction if he was the last to text after this encounter.

Following The Drunken Text, we may realise it really is necessary to delete him from our phone. There are two veteran tricks to cheating at this. Firstly, you can leave something from him in your inbox which you will recognise from its contents, and thus even though he is not programmed..... if you need to you can still send The Drunken Text. Secondly, you can delete him fully from your phone, but write his number down somewhere handy.... just in case.....

The most healthy phase to reach is the where you delete his number without resorting to these two cheats. If you can do this you know you're at a 'good place'. It's much like when you burn your textbooks at the end of a course, or throw a perfectly good box of chocolates into the rubbish (after getting your friends to lick them - just in case that's not enough of a deterrant) when you're really starting a diet. Small acts - but symbolic signs of strength. Finality. The end of an era. Shows of strength. I DON'T NEED YOU ANY MORE, CHOCOLATE!

Just that one press of your button when the word 'Delete?' comes up on the screen is very meaningful. You can do it so that your friends around you just think you're texting flippantly.... it need not be a dramatic or public thing. But it's very final. It also helps to avoid 'the accidental text' which lets him know he's still on your phone...... Some people I know have even sent The Fake Accidental Text, just to see if he replies....... [for the record, he did - success.]

Another milestone is deleting all texts from them that you have saved in your inbox. I have a text from my 3rd date with my latest Ex that is still sitting undeleted in my inbox. It has lasted eight months. One day I'll delete it.

2. MSN

Ange warned me about this one after her break-up last year. If you have developed an MSN rapport with your Ex during the relationship, then it becomes very awkward to still have them pop up online once you have broken up.

It reminds you that they are still going about their everyday business.... but without you knowing anything about it. I somehow quite comfortably forget that they are people too. And them popping up on my screen gives me a visual of exactly where they're sitting, in their flat at the computer desk.... and I don't like this tangible reminder. It does not fit my egocentric view of the world. In my mind they are sitting humped over a glamour-photo of me, pining or getting fat and hideous so nobody else will ever want them....
Also, every time you see that they're online and they don't message you (though you rationally don't expect them to) it's a tiny rejection. Even if you don't like them anymore it would still be a tiny vindication if they wanted to see what you were up to...... And it's so easy to sound oh-so-casual via internet messaging. 'Sup?' 'Not much - u?' 'Same'
There is at the same time, of course, a voyeuristic pleasure in being able to tell what they are doing at any given time without having to resort to a spy-camera and binoculars. And the satisfaction of knowing they haven't deleted you yet either. Any time you don't see them for a few days you start to wonder if they have.... and then they pop up again. Phew. You still have the chance to get in first.

You hope that while they're online they're not sneakily reading your blog.....

I imagine (though I've not yet actually taken this step) that when you delete them from your MSN list it is yet another satisfying milestone.

Note: For now I've not done any of these things - though I guess it has been over three weeks now. Time flies.... I expect one day I will delete him. I don't expect in the meantime to have texted or MSNed him, so I'm not quite sure why it's rational to put it off. But it is.

See Chapter 18 for 'The Functional Breakup' after which you manage to remain friends - I have many examples to prove it is not a myth.

* * *

More Randomly

1. Why do boys like sitting in the lounge in the dark? Girls like having lights on as soon as it is dusk - unless we have set up candles or it is 'mood lighting' for a movie. Boys pull the blinds in the middle of the day. I am the only girl in my flat now. It's very dark.

2. Did anyone else see the amazing moon last night? I was driving home with Julie last night and we had a series of surreal events, one of which was looking up and noticing that the moon was the lowest we had ever seen it. It was one of those moons that you could reach out and touch. And it was huge! And yellow! Like in a Smashing Pumpkins video. Wish I'd had my camera with me.

3. I have managed to thus-far maintain the magic weight-loss I had on new year's day (after my night of drunken lushness). Long may that last! If it does not magically last I may have to resort to physical exercise. Bugger that. I even put on my 3rd loosest pair of jeans (the pair that has for months been too tight to wear without feeling like a masocist)... and they fit! Hoorah!

4. I have started to find common ground with the new flatmates. Enlgish-man#2 played the guitar in a band, likes Jeff Buckley and has been to Madison Square Garden (ditto all of those things for me, except not in a band). We both have well formed views on the demise of Michael Jackson and think the printing industry seems stressful and like something we would not like to be involved in. We both want it to be summer soon.

5. Today looks a bit like summer. I will tentatively leave my room and go outside for a while. Wish me luck....

Defining You and R*I*S*K

Meeting New People

It seems very unfair in life that certain key features about us become 'defining'. They become the things that people ask us about in the beginning of a 'getting to know you' conversation. And most of these things are thrust upon us - rather than being things we choose to have as part of our identities. I met a bunch of 'new people' on New Year's Eve and was reminded of the first few stages of getting to know each other.

1. Before the conversation even begins you become identified by your physical features. You might be tall (like me) and that makes you 'Tall Kate'. People assume you are intelligent and capable and wise - most of which might be true, but it's still an assumption. You may be red-headed, in which case people will assume (perhaps correctly) that you are dramatic and exaggerate things. You may be extremely thin. You may have a fish-face. When people are talking about you, that may well become how they identify you - 'You know, Nicky with the curly hair'. It is inescapable. Unless you purposefully go out and create an even more noticeable feature. Like a mohawk or those extreme facial piercings. Or you could stoop a lot, if you don't like being tall. If you are lucky you are 'the hot guy', though we tend to attach 'arrogant player' to that..... Often rightly so.

2. Your place of origin is very important. It allows people to pigeon hole you very quickly. If, for example, you are from Levin, that says a lot about you. It says you are a very good sort and will get on with everybody famously. You don't hold pretentions and have an earthy quality about you. But you grew up close enough to Wellington to be open to liberal-thinking and able to adapt to fashion-trends. Being from The Hutt says something very different about you...... No matter how much travelling you do as a grown-up, you will always have to admit to where you hail from. Or learn to lie well. I figure you might as well be proud of it or it shows a lack of loyalty and indicates some kind of deep self-hatred..... I LOVE LEVIN!

3. Your job is another important thing. It's like in About a Boy when Will has to admit that he doesn't do anything - it road-blocks the coversation. Our jobs are natural segueways into other conversations - they indicate our level of education, our interests, the networks we have an 'in' with, who we might know by association..... And people have a natural curiosity about careers. The first time me and Nicky talked to a graphic design person we were fascinated by the fact that they could design a font based on their handwriting. And what the heck would one talk to Svend about if he didn't work for Weta? :) Sam has it hard on that front.... What with the secrecy codes and all. I just imagine him wearing white overalls and working in a bright sterile environment with lots of buttons and microscopes. I have no idea what he really does.

4. Your name is of course very important. First names mainly. I can go a long time without knowing someone's last name. Your name defines whether people will take you seriously off the bat. Some names make talking to someone much more fun - like Donald. People have past associations with names. Everyone I went to school with named 'Simon' was very geeky and into remote controlled cars. Svend is a cool name. I am mostly friends with Svend just because I like saying his name. Svend. It's pleasing. And almost every Sam I've ever known has been a good sort. It's a name I would consider giving to a son.

5. Your relationship status. There are a small core of us who are 'single'. I think it projects us differently to those who are 'married' or 'engaged'. I like to think it gives us a devil-may-care, rougeish appearance. I may be wrong..... In the 19th Century I would officially be the 'spinster Aunt' by now. Whereas now I'm the 'cool fun independant Aunt' (umm..... that's how I like to put it anyhow!). I think we 'singles' also have a predatory image to us. We try to move in packs. Relationship status is hard to bring up immediately without seeming nosy or a little too interested. It must be done discretely or by being very observant. Being 'newly single' is a slightly different category too.

6. Age is important. We look down on younger people because we've been there, done that. We can look at them partying and having their fun and say 'Ahhh, I remember what that was like - don't wanna go back though' (sometimes). I am very surprised if someone in their early 20s has the cynicism to kick it with my group of friends.


There's other stuff. But I've finished my rant. Those are the ones that came to mind first. I feel like one of those kids who ends an essay suddenly, without a conclusion.... Not sure where I was going with that.

* * *

I played Star Wars Risk today with the Kelson Crew. Intense. I can see how real war strategising would be quite fun. I liked sacrificing my men on the front line in brave battles when they were outnumbered, as long as they managed to take a couple of the enemy troops out with them.

The game moved in many waves of power.

1.
I looked good in the first round, and was fairly screwed after that (thanks mostly to that b******* Richard who kept thwarting my attempts to gain power with lucky rolling and managed to maintain just the tiniest of toe-holds in my planet). Due to being last at picking countries I'd made the rookie mistake of trying to hold the biggest planet. The Black Army was powerful - but had too many borders and pesky enemies to manage it.
2.
I turned briefly to just trying to kill Sam's Red Plague of troops for the hell of it and bugger winning. But then he became moderately powerful so I had to back off into obscurity. So I teamed up with Richard's Yellow Brigade and tried to contain the mighty blue wave that was Kirsten-and-Fish.
3.
I figured if I couldn't win... then nobody should, damnit! The game should go on foreeeever! And it did. Until we all decided to declare peace and go and have a spa instead. Ahem. I may have controlled the most territories at that point (mostly with just one man on them.... and easily assailable.... but for the record, it WAS the MOST).

It was amusing how Sam managed to earnestly blame his lack of skill at rolling sixes for his early demise...... I'm sure he'll go home and practise and come back as an expert roller next time :)

In addition....

I have just had the post-mortem with Ange. Apparently I was not alone in thinking I was very drunk last night. Most times I'm very drunk I think I manage to maintain a certain level of decorum, and even if other people say I was mildly obnoxious, I manage to steadfastly refuse to listen to them. I have solid (potentially bordering on delusional) self-belief in my a ability to hold my liquor.

But this time..... I may have been embarrassingly drunk for almost the first time ever! Ange was telling me things I said/did and I was saying, 'No! I wouldn't do that.... You're making it up!' But she swears it's true - and I have snippets of memories that back that up.

The worst thing was that at one stage I was rating everyone in the group out of ten. To their faces. Harshly! I told one guy he was 'A six - wait, maybe a four'. I'm sure there was a context, or I was kidding .... or something. I was a bit mortified on hearing that! Oopsy.

And Ange had secretly mustered a bunch of guys to 'look after' me all night, because I was the burdensome drunk girl in the group. Oopsy. All night I just thought I was really popular and charming because people kept hanging out with me..... I didn't realise that's why it was happening....

All I can say is those must've been some damned powerful Red Bull and vodkas I started on! Ange says I was a 'weird kind of drunk' - I wasn't making sense at all.

In an attempt to make me stop cringing Ange found one bright spot. I didn't send any embarrassing texts. I didn't even think of it, to tell you the truth. That is most excellent. And potential-rebound-guy texted me happy new years, and all I said in return was 'You too'. I think that's all I could manage to spell at that point. Good thing.

* * *

Oh, and I didn't vomit or fall over! So how bad could it really have been??? And I didn't get alcohol poisoning on New Years.... Only a real amateur would do that [ahem, Cassie].

* * *

Another post-script - I texted my random texter 'Suhail' back and asked if he/she was the daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. They didn't get it. Mustn't be someone I know. People I know 'get it'. Or perhaps it seemed funnier in my drunken head ........

Advice on How to Safely Remove Burnt Toast without Electrocuting Yourself.

1.

I have not had a hangover in a long time. Not like this one. And I had no Vogels in the house! Vogels and peanut butter is my best hangover cure. I made do with kumara croquettes (which I burnt in the oven quite spectacularly whilst distracted by the ballroom dancing on TV). All I could manage for the first two hours of the day were incohent mumblings (to myself - containing the words 'still drunk' and 'feel sick') while I lay in bed trying not to move and texting people telling them how bad I felt. People I barely know.

My vague memories of last night:

- I remember consciously thinking several times that it was like I was in a movie, and feeling very detached from what was going on. I also had this very certain feeling that I could do anything and that it didn't matter because it wasn't real. And I was only drinking alcohol... I think.

- I met a guy called Donald. I kept telling people Donald was my new friend. I liked Donald's name so I said it a lot.

- I think I was dancing. I remember standing in the middle of other people who were dancing, so I must have been too. I can't dance though. I wonder what I was doing.

- I saw Michelle from our indoor team. We danced. She danced, and I was standing next to her anyway. I must have danced too.

- I may have agreed to play in an indoor soccer team with Donald's short friend. I remember using my hands dramatically to emphasise how terrible I was at foot-coordination sports. I said, 'This is averagely bad. And this is me [motioning much lower down].' I wonder if he still wants me to play. I do believe he has my cell phone number. I was proud of remembering that whilst drunk.

- I remember someone else commenting on The Gollums as I used them to express something else. I may have been pointing leeringly in their face. Ange was quick to share their nickname.

- I don't believe I purchased a beverage the whole time I was out. Somebody must have been plying me with liquor though. I'm not sure who it was.

- On the bus home (Donald helpfully knew the after-dark time-table) I remember some young hooligans yelling out, 'Hi Miss J---!' from the back of the bus. I remember saying, 'I don't teach boys!' and wondering who they were and how they knew my teacher-name.

2.

Cassie has bravely asked me to be her bridesmaid again. For those of you unaware of 'The Curse', I shall explain why this is brave.

I have twice before been asked to be a bridesmaid.

Neither of the weddings eventuated. It was tragic. They'd picked out the colour of my dress and everything.

I think I may be bad wedding-luck as a bridesmaid. Asking me to be one shows how confident Cassie is of her union with Anthony. It's a good sign! She will beat the curse! I'm rooting for her. I want to wear a poofy pink satin dress.

3.

My 'v' key is a bit sticky at the moment. It's surprising how often I use that key.

4.

I just got a happy new years text from Suhail. Do I know a Suhail? I don't think I do.....

5.

Simon (ex-flatmate Simon - the one who rocks a lot, physically not metaphorically or musically) - has apparently found his mojo again. He said it was always inside him.

* * *

I may still be drunk. But spelling v[damnedstickykey]ery accurately. It's because I teach the English.