Meeting New People
It seems very unfair in life that certain key features about us become 'defining'. They become the things that people ask us about in the beginning of a 'getting to know you' conversation. And most of these things are thrust upon us - rather than being things we choose to have as part of our identities. I met a bunch of 'new people' on New Year's Eve and was reminded of the first few stages of getting to know each other.
1. Before the conversation even begins you become identified by your
physical features. You might be tall (like me) and that makes you 'Tall Kate'. People assume you are intelligent and capable and wise - most of which might be true, but it's still an assumption. You may be red-headed, in which case people will assume (perhaps correctly) that you are dramatic and exaggerate things. You may be extremely thin. You may have a fish-face. When people are talking about you, that may well become how they identify you - 'You know, Nicky with the curly hair'. It is inescapable. Unless you purposefully go out and create an even more noticeable feature. Like a mohawk or those extreme facial piercings. Or you could stoop a lot, if you don't like being tall. If you are lucky you are 'the hot guy', though we tend to attach 'arrogant player' to that..... Often rightly so.
2. Your
place of origin is very important. It allows people to pigeon hole you very quickly. If, for example, you are from Levin, that says a lot about you. It says you are a very good sort and will get on with everybody famously. You don't hold pretentions and have an earthy quality about you. But you grew up close enough to Wellington to be open to liberal-thinking and able to adapt to fashion-trends. Being from The Hutt says something very different about you...... No matter how much travelling you do as a grown-up, you will always have to admit to where you hail from. Or learn to lie well. I figure you might as well be proud of it or it shows a lack of loyalty and indicates some kind of deep self-hatred..... I LOVE LEVIN!
3. Your
job is another important thing. It's like in
About a Boy when Will has to admit that he doesn't
do anything - it road-blocks the coversation. Our jobs are natural segueways into other conversations - they indicate our level of education, our interests, the networks we have an 'in' with, who we might know by association..... And people have a natural curiosity about careers. The first time me and Nicky talked to a graphic design person we were fascinated by the fact that they could design a font based on their handwriting. And what the heck would one talk to Svend about if he didn't work for Weta? :) Sam has it hard on that front.... What with the secrecy codes and all. I just imagine him wearing white overalls and working in a bright sterile environment with lots of buttons and microscopes. I have no idea what he really does.
4. Your
name is of course very important. First names mainly. I can go a long time without knowing someone's last name. Your name defines whether people will take you seriously off the bat. Some names make talking to someone much more fun - like Donald. People have past associations with names. Everyone I went to school with named 'Simon' was very geeky and into remote controlled cars. Svend is a cool name. I am mostly friends with Svend just because I like saying his name.
Svend. It's pleasing. And almost every Sam I've ever known has been a good sort. It's a name I would consider giving to a son.
5. Your
relationship status. There are a small core of us who are 'single'. I think it projects us differently to those who are 'married' or 'engaged'. I like to think it gives us a devil-may-care, rougeish appearance. I may be wrong..... In the 19th Century I would officially be the 'spinster Aunt' by now. Whereas now I'm the 'cool fun independant Aunt' (umm..... that's how I like to put it anyhow!). I think we 'singles' also have a predatory image to us. We try to move in packs. Relationship status is hard to bring up immediately without seeming nosy or a little
too interested. It must be done discretely or by being very observant. Being 'newly single' is a slightly different category too.
6.
Age is important. We look down on younger people because we've been there, done that. We can look at them partying and having their fun and say 'Ahhh, I remember what that was like - don't wanna go back though' (sometimes). I am very surprised if someone in their early 20s has the cynicism to kick it with my group of friends.
There's other stuff. But I've finished my rant. Those are the ones that came to mind first. I feel like one of those kids who ends an essay suddenly, without a conclusion.... Not sure where I was going with that.
* * *
I played
Star Wars Risk today with the Kelson Crew. Intense. I can see how real war strategising would be quite fun. I liked sacrificing my men on the front line in brave battles when they were outnumbered, as long as they managed to take a couple of the enemy troops out with them.
The game moved in many waves of power.
1.
I looked good in the first round, and was fairly screwed after that (thanks mostly to that b******* Richard who kept thwarting my attempts to gain power with lucky rolling and managed to maintain just the tiniest of toe-holds in my planet). Due to being last at picking countries I'd made the rookie mistake of trying to hold the biggest planet. The Black Army was powerful - but had too many borders and pesky enemies to manage it.
2.
I turned briefly to just trying to kill
Sam's Red Plague of troops for the hell of it and bugger winning. But then he became moderately powerful so I had to back off into obscurity. So I teamed up with
Richard's Yellow Brigade and tried to contain the mighty blue wave that was
Kirsten-and-Fish.
3.
I figured if I couldn't win... then nobody should, damnit! The game should go on foreeeever! And it did. Until we all decided to declare peace and go and have a spa instead. Ahem. I may have controlled the most territories at that point (mostly with just one man on them.... and easily assailable.... but for the record, it WAS the MOST).
It was amusing how Sam managed to earnestly blame his lack of skill at rolling sixes for his early demise...... I'm sure he'll go home and practise and come back as an expert roller next time :)
On a less intellectual level, I bought a pretty dress that I had no reason to buy. I enjoy watching it hanging in my room - even if it is of no practical use.